Choosing Hallelujah

Fully Known...and Fully Loved

2012-01-31T15:16:00.008-06:00

"Many Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony, 'He told me all that I ever did.' So when the Samaritans came to him, they asked him to stay with them, and he stayed there two days" (John 4:39-40).

I feel flabbergasted every time I read John 4 and encounter the enthusiasm over the Samaritan woman's line "He told me all that I ever did" (John 4:39). I would not be at all excited to meet a man who knew and could broadcast all the sordid details of my life! What was going through the Samaritans' minds as they rushed to see Jesus--and what was going through the infamous Samaritan woman's mind?

The whole account seems so strange. Jesus calls the woman out on her shady relationship history. She hardly seems to blink; she merely, swiftly, changes the subject from her seedy past to worship controversies. How was she feeling; what was she thinking? Ashamed? Too amazed and bewildered to feel embarrassed? Perplexed by all of His mysterious talk? A growing excitement and anticipation, a hope that there was something about this Man...could He, maybe, be...?

So she runs and tells the whole town that He exposed her. Did they all already know her as the local whore? If she was ostracized, as I think I've heard in sermons but don't necessarily get just from this text, why would she want to tell the people who shunned and shamed her? Would there have been a kind of glory in knowing Him first, being the bearer of good news--that just having met and talked with Him and being branded as having more intimacy with Him than anyone else in town would somehow redeem her?

Why did the people care what she had to say? If her reputation was already well-known, how would it be so impressive if Jesus knew the details? I guess maybe because He was a Jew, so just because all the Samaritans knew about her, doesn't mean He would ever have talked to them to find out.

"He told me all that I ever did." A strange testimony. But what else could she have said that would convince them, capture their attention and their curiosity, draw them to Him? "I met a guy who says He is the Messiah!"--so what? Hadn't they heard that line before? Any crackpot can make such a claim, unsubstantiated. His prophetic knowledge of the woman's life would give him credibility.

So she celebrates that she is known. Announces it to the world. And the people flock. Do they, too, really want to be known?

There is one thing that would change my statement, "I would not be excited to meet a man who knew all the sordid details of my life." Simply add four words: "...and loved me anyway."

Is it true that we all want to be fully, deeply KNOWN? Perhaps, but half-true. I think we want to be known and loved. What good is being known if the knowledge makes a person turn away, repulsed?

But this Jesus...He knows, and loves. He knows, and invites. He knows, and has compassion.

That is the gospel.

"God demonstrates his own love for us in this; while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

"In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ..."

"Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did." Jesus knew every deed, every thought, every motive of my heart. Further, he interpreted all these in light of ultimate truth; He told me all that I REALLY did: how I loved my own glory and robbed God of His. How sins that I thought were "no big deal" led to the shameful slaughter of God's Son. He told me all this...and yet He loved me. Chose me. Called me. Adopted me. Betrothed me to Himself. Redeemed me. Freed me.

No one knows our hearts better than you, Father; and you search our hearts to care for us, not chide us; to deliver us, not shame us; to parent us, not embarrass us. You’ve never surprised at what you find. There’s no search and discovery; there’s kindness and engagement.

You know the best and worse about us—our fears and our foolishness; our struggles with sin and our standing in Christ. You know us better than anyone could and you love us more than anyone would.
(Scotty Smith, "A Prayer for Days When You Don't Feel Like Praying")

Known fully. And loved perfectly. Good news.

Multitude Monday, Take 234

2012-01-30T14:36:00.000-06:00

I hit ten thousand gifts this past week. 10,000. Have you ever counted ANYTHING that high?

I've been blogging a weekly thankful-list for several years (it was Thankful Thursday back in the day), but I never actually counted until much later. Inspired by Ann Voskamp, I began a visual homemaking journal in July 2009, and that became the home for my ongoing list of gifts (I pick a few highlights from there to post on the blog each week--which is why I'm only at 2600 here). At some point, I read Ann's rationale for actually *counting*, rather than just listing, and so I went back (anal-retentive as I am) and numbered them all from the beginning of that first journal. The numbers climbed, slowly at first and then piling up more and more each day (giving thanks is addictive, the best kind of habit-forming). After just two and a half years, I hit 10,000.

Kind of puts life in perspective. Ten thousand gifts from the generous hand of my Father. Ten times ten times ten good things He has put in my life over the last two and a half years--vastly more than that, for sure, but these are just the ones I wrote down. Can I doubt that He loves me, that He cares, that He is for me, that the lines around this life of mine have fallen (no matter how much I'm tempted to believe differently) in pleasant places?

And yet--even in the face of this reality--I still do doubt. I still do chafe against the boundary lines. So I keep counting. I keep forcing myself to stop and look and give thanks, in the hopes that when I do, I will be better equipped to choose hallelujah. Praising helps me see, and seeing helps me praise.

"Gratitude is a lifestyle. A hard-fought, grace-infused, biblical lifestyle. And though there's a sense in which anyone can be thankful--for God has extended His common grace to all--the true glory and the transforming power of gratitude are reserved for those who know and acknowledge the Giver of every good gift and who are recipients of His redeeming grace."
--Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Gratitude

Thanking God this week for...

2634. babysitter reading dozens and dozens of books to my boys
2635. email inbox cleaned out
2636. Jude jabbering and giggling at bedtime, Elijah shushing him
2637. hard but really good conversations
2638. Jude's hair in a soapy mohawk

2639. dinner with our dear friends on Wednesday nights
2640. our turn to be family of the week on our church's prayer list
2641. the joy of keeping track of His gifts
2642. a trip to Adventure Science Center with some of our favorite people
2643. their coming to stay with us all weekend

2644. a house full of friends and laughter and conversation
2645. new and old board games
2646. Steve getting beaten by a seven-year-old at a strategy game :)
2647. vivid reminders that this season of parenting won't last forever
2648. lunch out with Diane while the guys watched the kids

2649. the fact that my apparent food poisoning was short-lived
2650. Steve babying me when I am sick
2651. Grandma June's old rocking chair in the boys' room
2652. the ability to breathe through my nose
2653. Steve praying for me

2654. hearing my cries and answering me
2655. being slow to anger
2656. being full of compassion and mercy
2657. Steve preaching the gospel to me

I Am Not the Christ

2012-01-24T08:10:00.001-06:00

We tend to identify ourselves in positive terms. But when John the Baptist is asked who he is, he offers the following unusual response:

"And this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, 'Who are you?' He confessed, and did not deny, but confessed, 'I am not the Christ'" (John 1:19-20).

The most important part of John's identity here is what he is NOT: I am not the Christ. Such adamance here--confessed, did not deny, confessed--making it absolutely clear that this is not the Messiah. And in emphasizing this, it heightens expectation that there IS someone coming who fills this role.

How would it benefit me to echo John's testimony? "I am not the Christ."

I am not the Christ. I am the mother. My job is not to save my children, to transform their hearts through the perfect discipline methods and make them follow Jesus. I am simply a tool in His hands to point them to Him, the Savior whom they need more than they need me.

I am not the Christ. I am the wife. My role is not to change my husband, but to respect and encourage and pray for him, trusting that God wants him to grow in Christlikeness even more than I do and knows how best to make that happen.

I am not the Christ. I cannot save myself. I cannot at any moment, before or after regeneration, earn God's favor and acceptance. I cannot change my own heart; I cannot walk in perfect obedience; I cannot make myself holy enough to enter His presence. My hope is not in my willpower, my knowledge, my success.

But I *have* a Savior, thanks be to God! There IS a Christ--Jesus the Christ--and He came for me! He had and deserved God's favor, and bestowed it on me. He sent His Spirit to breathe life into my dead soul and replaced my heart of stone with a heart of flesh. He walked in perfect obedience, and imputes that righteousness to me. He sits at the right hand of God and invites me to come boldly to the throne of grace. I am NOT the Christ--my hope is in the true Christ, Jesus the One and Only.

[edited repost from the archives]

Multitude Monday, Take 233

2012-01-23T09:02:00.001-06:00

"And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace" (John 1:16).

The fact that I have breath, that I woke up today, that I am not suffering eternally for my rebellion and idolatry--pure grace. The countless, endless gifts He gives me instead--material and intangible, great and small, people, things, experiences, fleeting and lasting--all undeserved blessings from God's generous hand, from His full-to-overflowing goodness and glorious grace.

Thanking Him today for...

2606. grace to stay on track with my Bible reading plan
2607. Elijah helping me bake cookies
2608. Qdoba, courtesy of a Christmas gift card
2609. a new-to-us couch
2610. someone from Freecycle hauling away our old couch

2611. rechargeable batteries
2612. kitchen timers
2613. bandaids
2614. dinner and prayer with dear friends
2615. clean sinks and toilets and bathtubs

2616. clothes hamper filled with board books, courtesy of Jude
2617. grilled cheese and tomato soup
2618. photos a friend took--usually I am behind the camera, so it is fun to have some of me *with* the boys!

2619. the fact that my hair grows fast

2620. a visit from my parents

2621. their babysitting so Steve and I could go on a date

2622. time for uninterrupted conversation with Steve

2623. Jude asking to be read to

2624. Pops reading to Jude

2625. Grammy reading to Elijah

2626. a fridge full of leftovers

2627. tornado sirens we can easily hear

2628. a basement in which we can take shelter

2629. flashlights

2630. His protection in the storms last night

2631. our power didn't stay out very long

2632. His protection, shelter and refuge in metaphorical storms

2633. His unlimited power

Faith, Hope, Love

2012-01-20T21:40:00.002-06:00

"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13).

Who hasn't heard this familiar verse in this familiar chapter a thousand times? And yet, what does it really mean? What makes love greater than faith or hope? Why would Paul rank them like this?

I hadn't necessarily thought about these questions until my grandmother's funeral, when the officiating pastor referred to Martin Luther's insight on this verse. He pointed out this simple yet profound truth:

Love is the only one of these three that lasts eternally.

In this life on earth we need all three: Faith to be sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hope to trust that what we long for will come to pass, that the promises will be kept. Love for the One who first loved us, to enjoy Him and adore Him and exult in Him.

But in the age to come, eternally in Heaven, we will no longer need faith or hope! What we hoped for will be reality. We will see Jesus, not dimly through a mirror, but face to face! Everything we longed for will be fulfilled. All the promises will be proven true! We will love--better and more fully than we ever could here on earth--but we will not have faith or hope. Instead, we will celebrate and bask in the actual presence of the Father in whom we placed our faith, the Savior who was the ground of our hope.

The greatest of these is love.

Forever

2012-01-17T08:08:00.003-06:00

They say the days are long, but the years are short. I try to cherish this fleeting time while they are small, but as one blogger so eloquently put it, "Carpe diem? I can't even carpe fifteen minutes."

The whining grates. Work and death to self and work and sacrifice and work stretch out in a gloomy, endless prospect before my selfish, lazy heart. I grow weary in the well-doing.

But I am reminded of some truth God graciously spoke to my heart in the last weeks of my pregnancy with Jude, when I was also fearful and weary, when I didn't yet know how that story was going to turn out:

This won't last forever.

The shrieking and lack of verbal skills won't last forever. Sleep deprivation won't last forever. Potty training won't last forever. Nursing pain won't last forever. Dining room table buried under clutter and bathtub you'd be ashamed to let your mother see and kitchen floor you don't even want to calculate how long since it's been mopped won't last forever. Not even having time to shower during the day, let alone string together one coherent thought? That stage won't last forever.

This season of waiting and waiting for that blessing you have longed for your whole life--it won't last forever. Your unemployment won't last forever. Your chronic pain, your tragic marriage, your unbearable grief, your overwhelming struggle with that one besetting sin...none of this will last forever. I can say this with absolute certainty.

If you do not know and love and trust the Lord, far worse things even than these *will* last forever. But if you are in Christ--if your hope is in Him alone--all of the grief and pain in your life, all the things you fear, all the suffering because of others' sins and all the suffering you've inflicted on yourself, it will all pass away. However endless this season seems, it is a season. It will not last forever.

Obvious, I know--yet somehow reassuring. Better yet, to think that while these painful things will definitely come to an end, some things *DO* last forever and ever, without end:

"His steadfast love endures forever" (Psalm 136)

"...Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and of peace there will be no end" (Isaiah 9:6-7)

"the word of our God will stand forever" (Isaiah 40:8)

"My salvation will be forever" (Isaiah 51:6)

"I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever" (John 6:51)

"He will give you another Helper, to be with you forever" (John 14:16)

"The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ, and He shall reign forever and ever" (Revelation 11:15)

Today, in this season, I am needing to remind myself of this truth. The struggle with sin, the trial, will not last forever. But my Father's love and mercy and faithfulness will last forever. His Word will last forever. His perfect reign of righteousness and grace and peace will last forever. His Holy Spirit will be with me forever. And I will live forever with Him.

[P.S. - If you skipped over it, I recommend going back and reading that "Don't carpe diem" post I linked at the beginning. It's not just a whiny "motherhood is awful" post--it's a beautiful exhortation to exult in the glory moments of raising children, the sweet spots that make all the work worthwhile.]

Multitude Monday, Take 232

2012-01-16T13:58:00.027-06:00

“Joy is always a function of gratitude — and gratitude is always a function of perspective. If we are going to change our lives, what we’re going to have to change is the way we see.” --Ann Voskamp

Thanking God this week for...

2582. chiropractic care
2583. spinach quiche with puff-pastry crust
2584. Jude trying to climb into the bathtub, gleefully pounding the side
2585. early morning quiet time
2586. cell phones when you're lost in the middle of nowhere

2587. the fact that I actually had a signal in the middle of nowhere
2588. a local farm where we can get fresh chicken and pork
2589. the sweet family who runs it and their showing us around to see the animals, including...
2590. a gentle horse
2591. seven nursing piglets climbing all over each other

2592. freedom to be real and raw and vulnerable with dear friends
2593. their hugs, tears, encouragement, prayers
2594. their love even when seeing the ugliness of my heart
2595. the moments God enables me to believe truth
2596. His unfailing love in the face of my unbelief

2597. His grace, sufficient in my weakness
2598. renewed resolve to fight for joy, fight to trust
2599. reading We're Going on a Book Hunt with Elijah and doing the motions
2600. cinnamon dolce latte
2601. Elijah's fast and furious, crazy dancing feet

2602. encouraging emails and a snail-mail card
2603. sausage and white bean soup
2604. getting to sit through all of Sunday school and church, uninterrupted
2605. providing the Savior we need, given that our efforts fall short every time.

New Name, Same Great Taste

2012-01-13T11:42:00.003-06:00

So. It's a new year, I turn 30 in a couple of months...I think it's long past time for me to abandon "Lavender *Sparkles*". I've wanted and needed a blog name change for years now, but my terrible-at-titling self was completely at a loss for ideas. For lack of creativity, Lavender *Sparkles* it was, long after I'd outgrown the silly name, despite the fact that it's the blog version of Grape-Nuts.

The name Choosing Hallelujah came to mind several months ago, the last time I was tossing around the possibility of officially changing names. I wasn't 100% sold on it, and I just left it be. But the more I think about it, the more I think it's really appropriate. It captures one of the main themes God has been writing on my heart over the last several years. It really crystallized through my pregnancy with Jude and his birth, as I explained when I wrote about how he got his name (which means "praise," fully "This time I will praise the LORD").

It comes from a song I love--one that was on my birth playlist for Jude, actually. Bethany Dillon's album Imagination includes a lovely song called "Hallelujah." Oh, how this chorus needs to be my theme song: Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

Choosing Hallelujah summarizes what I am often trying to do in my more thoughtful blog posts: preach truth to myself as I fight for joy. Motherhood has been for me a journey of choosing to trust, choosing to praise. So I think changing the name of my blog will first of all better describe what my blog is about (and be less awkward for people who link to my blog...I imagine my pastor, for example, feels a little weird when he shares an article on Facebook from someplace called "Lavender *Sparkles*"!).

And I think it will be yet another way to preach to myself--a built-in reminder, every time I open Blogger, that this is what I am called to do, this is what I want, this is what God will provide grace for: to choose hallelujah, to say in my weakness, Lord, I trust that You are good. In Your presence there is fullness of JOY. Give me grace to praise You. Or in other words, "Whatever's in front of me, help me to sing hallelujah."

Five-Star Books

2012-01-12T15:42:00.024-06:00

My 2011 reading roundup posts were pretty long and perhaps overwhelming. I thought I'd pull out a list of the five-star books, just in case your eyes glazed over and you missed the really great ones I'd recommend most:

NONFICTION (GENERAL):

Unbroken – Laura Hillenbrand

NONFICTION (SPIRITUALITY):

Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl – N.D. Wilson

One Thousand Gifts – Ann Voskamp

A Praying Life – Paul Miller

Tactics: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions – Greg Koukl

The Meaning of Marriage - Tim & Kathy Keller

NONFICTION (PARENTING):

Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men – Leonard Sax

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) – Gavin De Becker

FICTION:

The Help – Kathryn Stockett

The Harry Potter series - J.K. Rowling

A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens

The Monster in the Hollows – Andrew Peterson

Uncle Tom's Cabin – Harriet Beecher Stowe

2011: The Year in Fiction

2012-01-11T13:07:00.002-06:00

I read more fiction this year than in previous years--a nice mix of juvenile and adult, old and new. And I loved almost all of it. My rating system:

***** Loved it, would definitely read again
**** Liked it, would recommend
*** It was OK
** Didn't like it
* Hated it

Favorite novels this year:

The Help – Kathryn Stockett*****
This book also goes on my all-time favorites list. One of those that you can't put down, and then when you finish, you feel sort of sad because it's over and you don't get to read it anymore. I just absolutely loved it.

The Harry Potter series - J.K. Rowling*****
I am eating a big helping of crow this year and admitting that I've been sucked in. I rolled my eyes at the Harry Potter craze for over a decade--and then I gave it a chance, and what do you know? By the end of book three, I had a sense for the huge scope of this story and had fallen in love with the world of Hogwarts. I adore Harry and Hermione and the Weasleys and Dumbledore; I love to hate Malfoy and Snape and Lord Voldemort. It's a good thing I'm listening instead of reading, so that I'm not so tempted by the "can't put it down, just read one more chapter" phenomenon. Unfortunately, because I am about a decade behind with this craze, I am very afraid of inadvertently reading spoilers somewhere! PLEASE don't tell me how it all ends!

Other fiction read:

Tess of the d'Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy****
Tragic. It somehow doesn't seem appropriate to say I *enjoyed* this one, but I found it very absorbing and read it quickly. It was also while reading this that I had this realization of, “You know, I'm starting to understand more and more why the classics are classic.” Just a timelessness and depth to the story. I found the portrayal of God, religion, etc., disheartening...but provocative all the same.

A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens****/*****
The first half of this book was torture. I was barely able to force myself to plod through it. A friend urged me to press on, so I did—and she was right, the last third of the book was worth it. I don't know why the setup had to be so long and arduous, but after I finished I almost started over to better appreciate the first half, the end was that good. So really, the first half would get two stars and the last part would get at least five!

Hinds' Feet on High Places – Hannah Hurnard****
Same idea as The Pilgrim's Progress—except I liked this version much, much better. The protagonist, a female, starts out as “Much-Afraid” (instead of simply “Christian”) and as she journeys with the Shepherd, she is gradually changed into “Grace and Glory.”

The Magician's Nephew – C.S. Lewis (audiobook) *****
I can't believe it took me so long to get to the first book in the Narnia series. Wonderful Lewis, as expected. Several profound quotes I had to copy down. I look forward to revisiting these as read-alouds with the boys.

On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness
North! Or Be Eaten
The Monster in the Hollows – Andrew Peterson*****
I read the first two Wingfeather Saga books in 2009, and decided to reread them before starting #3, which came out last spring. The third book in this series was as delightful as the first two and better. Surprising, stirring, deeper and more brilliant than a simple children's book...Peterson is an astoundingly gifted storyteller, along the lines of C.S. Lewis. He writes for children but not down to them, and thus adults find themselves captivated by his words. I can't wait until my boys are old enough for these as read-alouds. And I hate having to wait for the fourth and final book!

Uncle Tom's Cabin – Harriet Beecher Stowe*****
I absolutely loved this classic! It was so fascinating to get a glimpse of slavery not just in the abstract, but in terms of real people. And the Christian overtones were beautiful and moving.

The Poisonwood Bible – Barbara Kingsolver*****
Spectacular storytelling. Depressing and heartbreaking in its portrayal of an ugly pseudo-gospel preached by ethnocentric, pseudo-Christian missionaries—but really masterfully told from the perspective of five different narrators. Though it was fiction, it made me intrigued to know more of the history of Africa.

Handle with Care – Jodi Picoult****
After finishing this novel in less than a week, I concluded that I should probably not read Picoult's novels while I have little boys at home to care for. She can spin such a compelling tale that I have a hard time prioritizing. This one was heartbreaking, and I definitely didn't agree with her portrayal of some of the morals and ethics, but undeniably she always makes you think hard about that stuff—and I couldn't stop reading because I really wanted to know what happened to the characters.

The Red Tent – Anita Diamant**
I picked up this retelling of the story of Dinah (Jacob's daughter) expecting it to be like the other biblical-historical fiction I have loved (the Thoenes' A.D. Chronicles series; John Piper's Advent poems). It totally wasn't. Rather than adding dimension to the characters and imagining details that *could* be true, Diamant took the angle of “here's the REAL story,” flat-out contradicting the biblical account. This wasn't a story that edified me and glorified God; this was a story that, while interesting, revolved around false gods, sex, and celebrating women. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob was barely a minor character. Disappointing.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – J.K. Rowling**** (audiobook)
I had absolutely no interest in all the Harry Potter hype until a few months ago when I read Andrew Peterson’s article “Harry Potter, Jesus and Me” about how wonderful the books are. Having loved his Wingfeather Saga books, my interest was sufficiently piqued, so I finally checked out the audio version from the library—and very much enjoyed it.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – J.K. Rowling (audiobook)*****
In Andrew Peterson’s recommendation, he said that an author gets better with every book she writes, and I’d agree that I enjoyed the second Harry Potter book even more than the first. I find myself looking forward to long car rides so that I can listen to these books—Jim Dale, the man who performs them, is quite excellent.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer - Mark Twain***
Eh. I started this one and then abandoned it in favor of other more pressing books, and only came back to it out of a desire to finish, not because I really cared so much about what happened.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J.K. Rowling (audiobook)*****
After finishing this one in the car late one night, I walked into the house and immediately sat down to admit on Facebook that I am officially hooked. You know it's a good book when it makes you *eager* for long car rides and when it elicits physical reactions: at various times I laughed out loud, my eyes widened, I gasped, and at the end of the book I broke into several delighted, satisfied grins. I love this series so much more than I thought I would.

Mudbound - Hillary Jordan****
From a purely literary perspective, I thought this book was excellent. The voices of six different narrators (three white, three black) and their 1940s Mississippi landscape came to life in a vivid and gripping way. Jordan explores the same era and subject matter as The Help, but this novel is darker and more complex--and ultimately, from a Christian perspective, I am hesitant to recommend it. It is gritty and real (painfully so), and while I'm comfortable with that, I'm not so comfortable with the characters' defiant attitudes toward a God of absolutes who would judge their unrepentant sins. The realism is without redemption, and that left me squirming in the end. So while I found it a terrifically well done story in one sense, I don't think I personally can really endorse it.

Your turn to weigh in: What novels did you enjoy in 2011 (or what are some all-time favorites)? What should I add to my list this year?

2011: The Year in Nonfiction

2012-01-10T08:12:00.000-06:00

The start of a new year means it's time for my annual reading roundup! I'm so glad Danielle got me started doing this a couple of years ago. I wish I'd always kept track of what I read!

I absolutely devoured books this year, more than I have since I was in grade school and blowing through the Baby-sitters Club or Sweet Valley books :) Reading is my nursing activity--a baby who loves to nurse plus one laidback older child meant lots of time to sit and soak up books of all kinds this past year. I am in no hurry to wean Jude, for many reasons, but one of them is that I will desperately miss my reading time!

My rating system follows the one on Amazon:
***** Loved it, would definitely read again
**** Liked it, would recommend
*** It was OK
** Didn't like it
* Hated it

My two favorite nonfiction books this year were:

Unbroken – Laura Hillenbrand*****
This book is all of those obnoxious, cliched phrases book reviewers use: a spellbinding story told in sparkling prose...riveting...soaring...gripping...could not put it down...etc, etc. Truly, it is that good. One of those books that I absolutely devoured, yet toward the end, did not want to finish because then it would be over and I wouldn't get to read it anymore!

Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl – N.D. Wilson*****
Brilliant. Just brilliant and delightful. This is a wildly weird and wonderful book—the subtitle “wide-eyed wonder at God’s spoken world” captures it well. Funny and poignant and true and beautiful. I’ve never read anything quite like it—part philosophy and apologetics, part science, part poetry, part memoir—all Jesus-magnifying. This is going on my all-time favorites list.

I also read...
The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game – Michael Lewis**** (audio version)
I've wanted to read this book ever since I read the New York Times excerpt a few years ago. I was dismayed to discover that the audio version I got at the library was abridged, but I did still love the story. I also enjoyed the details about football interwoven with Michael Oher's story.

As We Forgive: Stories of Reconciliation from Rwanda – Catherine Claire Larson****
This book helped validate why I have had such an interest, for more than four years now, in Rwanda and the 1994 genocide: “With the gift of listening comes the gift of healing, because listening to your brothers or sisters until they have said the last words in their hearts is healing and consoling. Someone has said that is is possible 'to listen a person's soul into existence.' I like that.” --Catherine de Hueck Doherty / “listening is the greatest form of loving. ...In a place where everyone has a story of horror to tell, people become so accustomed to it that few stop to ask or listen to the pain of someone else.” For me, reading about Africa is a way to listen--and listening matters. Powerful stories not just of the horrors, but of the beauty that God has wrought from the tragedy.

I Will Carry You – Angie Smith****
The word that comes to mind here is “fierce.” Angie loves her daughter fiercely...she clings fiercely to Jesus...and she is fiercely passionate that others see and trust Him through the heartbreaking story of baby Audrey. Beauty from ashes in this book.

Adopted for Life – Russell Moore****
An inspiring treatise on adoption, both the earthly reality and the heavenly doctrine. Moore masterfully weaved the two together, making a strong case for the way our adoption as sons of God is inextricably linked to the call to care for orphans. This book definitely fueled my interest in and passion for adoption.

Anonymous: Jesus' Hidden Years...and Yours – Alicia Britt Chole***/****
A quick read—the structure was sort of odd and choppy, but I enjoyed it. I was convicted and encouraged by her exhortations to be faithful and diligent in the small, hidden seasons of life, but also found it lacking in gospel. It tended to emphasize works an awful lot as the author stressed the importance of using anonymous seasons well. Still, the exploration of “Jesus' hidden years” (the first 30 years of His life, before His public ministry) was fresh, thoughtful and compelling.

The Spirit of Food: 34 Writers on Fasting and Feasting Toward God – Leslie Leyland Fields****
Like any compilation, this one had delightful essays and others that left me nonplussed. It also had the unique feature of recipes at the end of every essay—some I'm dying to try and others at which I didn't look twice. This anthology's thoughtful lines and lovely stories provided a helpful balance to the “sinful eating issues” books I've read, helping present a positive picture of how eating and drinking can point to and glorify God.

The Innocent Man – John Grisham****
A completely maddening true story about a man sent to death row for a crime he did not commit. This book had me praising God that in the end, justice will reign and truth will prevail—and in the meantime, feeling furious at the injustice committed by humans. Though after finishing, I discovered a website run by the prosecutor of the case and was reminded that there is more than one side to every story and that even the “villains” we love to hate are human, perhaps more like us than we'd care to admit.

Choosing to SEE – Mary Beth Chapman****
Mary Beth is raw and real; her faith in the sovereignty and goodness of God after the tragic death of her daughter is a faith that has wrestled and doubted, not a sugar-coated Sunday-school-answer faith. This portrait of a woman who frankly doesn't like all that God does, but plows through her pain to trust and praise Him anyway, was compelling and beautiful.

The Gadarene – John Piper/Drew Blom
I vastly prefer Piper's original poem to this graphic novel version—but if graphic novels are your thing, this is really well done, I think. Great illustrations, I just prefer the words.

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) – Gavin De Becker*****
An expert on predicting criminal behavior dismantles the familiar safety rules like “Never talk to strangers” and offers instead a host of practical, proven advice for protecting your kids. Disturbing (I don't recommend reading it alone in a house after ten p.m.!) but also very empowering. I'll be revisiting this as my boys grow older.

Craving Grace – Lisa Velthouse****
See my full review as well as parts one and two of my interview with the author.

The Happiest Mom: 10 Secrets to Enjoying Motherhood – Meagan Francis**
See my full review.

One Thousand Gifts – Ann Voskamp*****
What can I say? I adore Ann, I expected to love this, and I absolutely did.

Real Food for Mother and Baby – Nina Planck****
Maybe if I'd read this during pregnancy, I would have acted on what I know deep down and actually eaten better! This was kind of guilt-inducing, but also informative and helpful. I'm a big fan of the laid-back, no-rice-cereal, eat-what-the-rest-of-us-eat approach to introducing solids, so I liked what she had to say about that.

A Praying Life – Paul Miller*****
Inspiring without being condemning or burdensome. A great mix of practical helps and down-to-earth theology and real-life examples from the author's own experience. Not just “you should pray more, and here's why and how,” but a deeper, “this is how prayer has changed me. This is how it can transform you.”

King's Cross – Tim Keller****
Classic Keller, full of the gospel where you've never seen it before. I actually went through this twice--once just reading it cover to cover, then again later as a commentary while reading through the book of Mark. As usual, Keller is excellent.

From Fear to Freedom: Living as Sons and Daughters of God – Rose Marie Miller***
This memoir didn't really grab me, but I have a feeling that may be as much about where I am in life as it is about the quality of the book. I could see it having a huge impact on someone who's just at a different point in their spiritual journey than me. For whatever reason, where I am right now, it just didn't particularly connect with me.

Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches – Rachel Jankovic****
I was eager to pick this up after discovering Rachel Jankovic's online writing and loving it. Her book wasn't as gospel-centered as I expected or would have liked--and to be honest, Jankovic's tone rubs me the wrong way sometimes--but it was still full of poignant, encouraging, and challenging words for moms. It was a short, quick read, so I imagine I'll revisit it.

Dug Down Deep: Unearthing What I Believe and Why It Matters – Joshua Harris****
An engaging “first taste of theology”/argument for the study of theology. I liked the unique way Harris mixed personal anecdotes in with the more technical explanations, not just talking about but actually making connections between theology and life.

Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men – Leonard Sax*****
This is a really, really important book for parents of boys. It's a startling examination of our culture's male “failure to launch” phenomenon and some of the underlying factors, from video games and changes in schooling to ADHD and endocrine disruptors in plastics. It was disheartening and overwhelming, to think of the challenges my little sons face, but I'm glad I have this information.

Playful Parenting – Lawrence Cohen****
I definitely had to read this with a filter, as it does not espouse a biblical worldview—but I found so much wise and even indirectly biblical advice here. Fascinating and very helpful thoughts on connecting with and nurturing your kids, and on gaining their cooperation and compliance.

Tactics: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions – Greg Koukl*****
I had to pick this one up since Steve read it last year and is constantly going all Greg Koukl on me :) It’s a really insightful treatise on the HOW of apologetics and arguments—not just being able to defend your own position, but shifting the burden of proof to the person making the claim, listening well and asking good questions, spotting and exposing weaknesses in other worldviews. I’ll need to revisit this for sure.

God of Promise: Introducing Covenant Theology – Michael Horton**
This was BRUTALLY unreadable. It’s packaged as a layperson’s introduction, but written like a stiff, dry, overly formal and complex academic textbook. I mean, I’m not a stupid girl, but I found it difficult to press through and comprehend. Still, it had good information, and the second half especially provided some fresh perspectives and food for thought, especially pertaining to communion and baptism. I’m at least intrigued to learn more about covenant theology.

Give Them Grace – Elyse Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson****
Elyse characteristically soaks the reader in the wonders of the gospel, and her take on how the gospel profoundly changes our parenting was (unfortunately) unique (why do most "Christian parenting" books seem to totally miss the gospel?) and refreshing. Very encouraging, and very successful in pointing me to Christ, urging me to depend on Him and to point my children to Him constantly. Wonderful and definitely recommended, though not *quite* the book I hoped for. TulipGirl's review pretty well sums up my thoughts.

Firehouse – David Halberstam***
Nothing spectacular here, but I appreciated this quick read—a collection of portraits from an NYC fire station which lost a dozen men in the 9/11 attacks. I borrowed it from my brother, whose career as a firefighter makes me especially drawn to learn about the lives of heroic men who pursue this calling.

Guns, Germs and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies – Jared Diamond***/****
Diamond seeks to answer a question I have often asked: WHY did European societies conquer African and American ones, rather than vice versa? Why have certain civilizations dominated/colonized/enslaved others? It was fascinating to learn about the big picture of world history, combining all kinds of disciplines (anthropology, biology, geography, climatology, history) to understand how different societies and people groups advanced.

In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror and an American Family in Hitler’s Berlin – Erik Larson***
Nothing spectacular here, but it held my attention. Chilling to read about the developments of 1930s Germany with the privilege of hindsight. I really enjoy this genre/style of history written like a novel. Amazon reviews indicate that this book is actually much less enjoyable than Larson’s Devil in the White City, so I hope to pick that one up next year.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks – Rebecca Skloot****
This is my new favorite genre: a wonderful mix of history, biography, and various other subjects—in this case ethics, biology, medicine, race, poverty, etc. Fascinating exploration of the first line of immortal human cells (HeLa) and the woman and family behind them.

Baptism: Three Views – David Wright (ed.)****
This was definitely an example of that proverb about “the last to speak seems right, until another opens his mouth.” I’d be reading and think, “oh, hmm, that’s a great point, I have to agree.” And then I’d read the rebuttal and go, “oh. I guess that first argument wasn’t so unimpeachable.” I never knew there was a third view for baptism, but Anthony Lane makes an intriguing case for the idea that we need *both* believer’s baptism and infant baptism in the church to provide balance, each side bringing helpful correctives to the other. I still don’t feel completely settled or certain of my views here, but I’m glad I read the book.

The Meaning of Marriage - Tim & Kathy Keller*****
If you haven't noticed, we're big Keller fans around here, so picking up his newest was a no-brainer. Surprisingly, this book made me want to read more from his wife :) Her chapter is the most compelling, persuasive, and inspiring take on gender roles I've ever read. I also loved the big-picture view of marriage, the grand and glorious vision Keller casts. A marriage book I would wholeheartedly recommend to people in all seasons of life.

The Omnivore's Dilemma - Michael Pollan****
If In Defense of Food addresses how our eating choices affect our health, The Omnivore's Dilemma looks at the bigger picture: the environmental, cultural and ethical implications of our food choices. Constant references to evolution were annoying, but otherwise Pollan makes a very persuasive case for rethinking not just what we eat (whole food vs. processed junk) but how our food is produced (factory farming and the monoculture vs. more traditional and humane methods). His journalism is eye-opening and needs to be widely read and considered.

Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus - Nancy Guthrie (ed.)***
Some of the readings in this Advent devotional were more beneficial than others. Still, a nice collection to help focus my heart during the weeks leading up to Christmas.

Parting the Waters: Finding Beauty in Brokenness - Jeanne Damoff***
I totally hate to give a negative review of someone's personal story. The Damoffs' teenage son nearly drowned in 1996, and this book chronicles his accident and recovery and their family's inspiring journey of learning to trust God no matter what. I appreciate her deep desire to magnify the Lord, and the way their family has navigated this trial certainly points to His goodness, sovereignty and grace. But the writing was hackneyed; the story dragged; I did not really enjoy reading it.

What about you? What was the best nonfiction you read in 2011?

Multitude Monday, Take 231

2012-01-09T13:31:00.000-06:00

“To bring the sacrifice of thanksgiving is to sacrifice our understanding of what’s beneficial and thank God for everything — because He is benevolent. A sacrifice of thanks lays down our perspective and raises hands in praise anyways — always.” (Ann Voskamp)

In the midst of some difficult recent circumstances, I'm trying (however weakly and feebly) to "raise hands in praise anyways"--thanking God for...

2551. The Jesus Storybook Bible, and its words for me this morning: "'Why were you scared?' Jesus asked. 'Did you forget who I Am? Did you believe your fears, instead of me?'"
2552. oatmeal pancakes with apple butter
2553. husband loving me in spite of the ugliness in my heart
2554. a dear friend listening, loving, praying, encouraging
2555. new-to-us furniture

2556. Jesus is risen
2557. friends supporting and loving my family
2558. tenderhearted Elijah comforting me and Grammy
2559. the satisfaction of finishing a torturous jigsaw puzzle
2560. a sweet friend's engagement

2561. so many generous Christmas gifts we hardly had room to bring them home
2562. a plastic jar filled with rice: endless entertainment for Jude
2563. Jude's drunken-Frankenstein walk
2564. safe travels
2565. thick clouds rolling across a night sky

2566. snow while we were in Ohio, and the opportunity to play in it
2567. almost 30 years of knowing and loving Grandma June
2568. soft, warm scarves
2569. my niece coming over to sit in my lap without being asked
2570. my brother's girlfriend entertaining and caring for my boys

2571. hugs
2572. breakfast with my two best high school girlfriends
2573. nothing got ruined when Jude dumped water in my purse
2574. Elijah not being greedy or whiny about presents
2575. Rolo pecan pretzel treats

2576. dinner out with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to celebrate Steve's birthday
2577. their hospitality on New Year's Eve
2578. a kiss at the stroke of midnight
2579. Elijah sitting in Pops's lap watching football
2580. grandparents babysitting

2581. mercies new not just on January 1 or Monday mornings, but every moment

Grandma June

2012-01-02T21:47:00.001-06:00

Quiet on the blog this week as I grieve the loss of my last remaining grandparent: Grandma June, my mom's mom, passed away on New Year's Day. I appreciate your prayers for my family.

Thirty

2012-01-02T09:31:00.000-06:00

As of today, I am married to an old man.

He has more forehead than he did in high school. When I cut his hair, I notice the graying at his temples. I find both of these characteristics to be improvements. Oh yes, 30 looks good on my handsome husband. Like a fine wine, he just keeps getting better with age :)

Funny how, with my husband hitting this milestone and my turn being right around the corner, 30 doesn't actually seem old to me anymore. In fact, given that I have friends in their 40s, 40 doesn't seem old to me anymore, either! It just feels like we are officially leaving the "young adult" stage of our 20s behind--and I welcome the shift.

As we celebrate Steve's birthday, I'm reminded of a quote I read recently in Tim Keller's fantastic book The Meaning of Marriage:

"Kathy and I have a picture of us on our wedding day on our bedroom wall. It is now thirty-seven years old. Physically, we looked a lot better then. I had hair, and, shall we say, we were a lot sleeker. When I've done weddings and I look at the bride and groom standing there looking fabulous in their finery, I've often been tempted to quip, 'You look terrific, but it's all downhill from here. You'll never look this good again.'

"But that's not ultimately true, not if you and your spouse wield the power of truth and love with grace in each other's lives. Not if you are committed to the adventure of spiritual companionship, to partner with God in the journey to the new creation. Then, to the eye of God, as the years go by, you are making each other more and more beautiful, like a diamond being cut and polished and set." (p. 169)

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our slight momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Today I am thanking God for the priceless, astounding gift of my husband, born 30 years ago today. I'm thankful that I find him even more attractive today than I did when we first started dating. I'm thankful for the "adventure of spiritual companionship" with this wonderful man. I'm thankful for the ways he patiently participates in God's work of making me more beautiful--and I'm thankful to be used by God in polishing and refining him to be even more wonderful.

Happy birthday, Steve! Here's to many, many more.

Happy New Year from the Kannels

2012-01-01T08:34:00.001-06:00

Hoping you and yours had a very merry Christmas and wishing you a lovely, grace-filled 2012!

Plan to Read

2011-12-30T15:50:00.006-06:00

After a year in which I've read more books than I have in decades, I'm working on my annual round-up posts with ratings and recommendations. But before I get there, I also must confess and refocus. The truth is, I spent a LOT of time reading books this year, from contemporary novels to classic literature to parenting advice to history and biography to spiritual growth. On the upside, that means I spent a lot less time reading blogs and internet drivel. But it also means that I spent a lot less time reading the inspired Word of God.

My Scripture intake this year was, to be honest, rather dismal in comparison to my total reading. I can offer some reasoning and excuses. I can beat myself up and wallow in guilt. Or I can repent and receive grace and seek to change that in 2012.

As the new year approaches, I am finding encouragement and inspiration in an email from my pastor and in several online articles. The bottom line is that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail! We can read Scripture in a lot of different ways. We can go at a breakneck, finish-in-six-months pace, or we can take several years to get through all 66 books. But we need a plan and some accountability. As our pastor kindly yet firmly challenged us last year: You may say you don't want something so rigid and formal as a Bible reading plan. Ask yourself--how's that working out for you?

It didn't work out very well for me this year. So I'm reading the following links and thinking about what kind of plan I want to tackle. I want to get more of the Word in me this year! And I know that's not just going to happen magically if I'm not intentional about immersing myself in it on a regular basis.

First, our wise and thoughtful pastor offers the following encouragement. He urged us to consider the astounding privileges we have as 21st century American Christians:

We can read
We have the whole Bible in our own language
We have our own personal copies of the Bible
We have time to read

He continues:

There are many things we can do with our discretionary time, and I hope that we are willing to prioritize, not out of guilt, but desire to know God more deeply and obey Him more fully this year.

...Yes, there are times when we are dry spiritually and it seems like routine. But we must act in faith believing that by taking in (over time) the whole of Scripture, by the help of the Holy Spirit, God's whole Word will be used to transform our mind.

A quick illustration: suppose you decide to go to the gym this year and lose some weight (or gain some strength). Going into the gym for 3 hours every day for one week will not really be helpful. You will not (despite the optical illusions of our mind) see the benefits in a week, or even in months. It is doing the hard and disciplined work over the long haul that we will see and feel the benefits.

This is true spiritually. You will not feel great personal benefit every single day, and come out of devotional time with a spiritual "high." But over time, the Word will be worked into the warp and woof of your soul.

John Piper makes a strong argument for the necessity of planning:

Without some rudimentary planning you probably won't have anything to eat when you get up in the morning. And without some detailed planning no one can build a house, let alone a skyscraper or shopping mall or city. If producing shelter and food and clothing and transportation is valuable, then planning is valuable. Nothing but the simplest impulses gets accomplished without some forethought which we call a plan.

All of us know this and practice it in relation to the basic physical necessities of life. We take steps to see that we have enough to eat and clothes to keep us warm. But do we take our spiritual needs that seriously? Do we apply the same earnestness in planning to maximize our ministry as we do in planning to make a living?

Justin Taylor offers a terrifically helpful roundup of Bible Reading Plans for 2012, with lots of ideas and links for your consideration. There are plenty of ways to plan your Scripture reading besides the traditional, familiar plans. You don't even have to plan to get through the whole Bible in a year. Everyone should be able to find something here that suits.

Pastor Stephen Wittmer offers his church's Bible reading plan and gives "Seven Tips For the Two-Year Journey," including:

If at all possible, read through the Bible using this plan together with other people.
Do the whole reading for each day, but look for a "best thought" for each day—something you can meditate on throughout the rest of the day...
Let your prayers for others emerge out of what you read. Don’t choose between praying and reading Scripture—do both!
Look for ways in which you can practically live out what you’re reading.

So without further ado...make a plan! Get into the Word and get the Word into you! And feel free to share in the comments what has worked for you in the past or what you're planning to do this year.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-28T11:38:00.000-06:00

Wishing you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year!

Better News Than Santa Claus

2011-12-21T09:41:00.000-06:00

He's making a list and checking it twice

Gonna find out who's naughty and nice

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Santa was a big part of my family's Christmas celebrations when I was growing up. I have many sweet memories of family traditions, the ways my parents and extended family conspired to create a little Christmas magic and delight my brother and me. Leaving cookies out; a big ashy footprint on the hearth the next morning; Santa somehow always knowing that we would be at my grandmother's house on Christmas morning rather than at home; never-before-seen wrapping paper that PROVED the gifts weren't from my parents...funny little stories that make me smile.

Steve's family didn't do the whole Santa Claus thing, though, so since getting married and having children of our own, we've had to think through and talk about how we want to celebrate Christmas. Will our children know about Santa Claus or receive presents from him? Why? Why not?

There are plenty of Christians who embrace Santa Claus traditions, and plenty of others who don't. I'm not interested in getting into a debate. I will say that growing up making a big deal of Santa, I never felt like my parents had lied to me, and I don't remember being confused about what (Who) Christmas was really about.

However, over the last couple of years I've read some really interesting things that have made me realize how many of our cultural stories about Santa Claus are really the exact opposite of the gospel. John Piper points out in a brief video clip:

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why,
Santa Claus is coming to town.
So get your act together!

That is not good news for me. That is bad news.

An article on The Resurgence called "Jesus Ripped Up Santa's List" puts it beautifully:

The Bible makes it simple though: we all make the naughty list. None is righteous, no, not one (Romans 3:10). That’s bad news.

The good news is that, despite our list making tendencies and legalistic leanings, the list was crushed by the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes. He is the only one who made the list. Because he made the list, we are given the gift of him. His righteousness, his perfection, and his “niceness” are bestowed upon us with list-shattering grace.

Praise His name! I'm so thankful that even though I have cried and pouted, even though my name is at the top of the naughty list, I receive not a lump of coal but glorious, eternal riches in Christ Jesus!

Two other articles I read recently have some helpful thoughts on how to talk to children about Santa, including interesting facts about the real St. Nicholas:

What Should Christian Parents Teach Their Children About Santa Claus?

"Though Santa gives gifts based on how good we’ve been all year, the heart of Christian gospel is that we’re given gifts – salvation from sin – because we aren’t good. Unlike the song about Santa, we should never encourage our children to be 'good for goodness sake.' There are, however, redeemable features of the historic person named Saint Nicholas that all Christian parents should teach their children."

What We Tell Our Kids About Santa ~ Mark Driscoll

"When it comes to cultural issues like Santa, Christians have three options: (1) we can reject it, (2) we can receive it, or (3) we can redeem it. Since Santa is so pervasive in our culture, it is nearly impossible to simply reject Santa as part of our annual cultural landscape. Still, as parents we don't feel we can simply receive the entire story of Santa because there is a lot of myth built on top of a true story.

"...We tell our kids that he was a real person who did live a long time ago. We also explain how people dress up as Santa and pretend to be him for fun... We explain how, in addition to the actual story of Santa, a lot of other stories have been added so that Santa is a combination of true and make-believe stories."

Whatever we do with Santa, let's make sure our children know the REAL good news of Christmas. Let's make sure they know that even though they can't hope to make the "nice" list by their best efforts, the Babe in the manger lived perfectly on their behalf--and He offers them the best gifts of all--the gifts of knowing and being with Him forever.

On Giving Or Not Giving Christmas Gifts

2011-12-20T10:29:00.021-06:00

Two particularly thoughtful articles have had me pondering lately in the midst of all the Christmas preparations. It started last year or the year before with this classic post from Ann Voskamp, When Christmas Gets Radical: Whose Birthday Is It Really? In it she shares her family's practice of eschewing gifts for each other, instead choosing to give gifts to the poor worldwide through gift catalogs from Samaritan's Purse, Compassion International and the like.

When I first read this, I found it very compelling--and my zeal was renewed when I reread it this year. My heart's desire was to throw off many of the obligatory gift exchanges and give to people who are REALLY in need, rather than get gifts for people who don't need them (or would and could buy it themselves if they wanted it). I wanted to enjoy family time and focus on Jesus and make a big deal of birthdays throughout the year, instead of exchanging Christmas gifts. And to a certain extent we are indeed moving in that direction. We still do lots of giving and receiving with our extended families, but for just the four of us, we've chosen not to do gifts (other than matching PJs for the boys on Christmas Eve).

But then I read a startling article by Rachel Jankovic at Desiring God last week, called Of Kids and Christmas, in which she writes:

Christmas is the ultimate celebration of the material. Because Christmas is the time when God became man. Word to Flesh. Unfettered spirit to the hazards and joys and stresses of physical life. Think about it. Some people want to filter the material out of Christmas and morph it into some pure ethereal spirit religious day. And some people want to filter all the spiritual out of it and make it simply a holiday celebrating the purchasing power of plastic. But the power of Christmas is when spiritual and material meet. And it always has been. That is the joy of the season, that is the good news, that is the laughter and the paradox and the earth-shaking magic of Christmas. The infinite Word became a physical baby.

WHEW. Definitely go read the whole thing. This very unique perspective really challenged me! And while I still find much beauty and truth in Ann's article, I think this one provides a helpful balance for me.

I am reminding myself that there are wonderful reasons to give gifts. First of all, just because gifts aren't my or Steve's love language, that doesn't mean they don't speak love very profoundly to some of our friends and family.

And second, I have to stop and realize that there is a very real sense in which giving gifts reflects the character of our extravagant God. For the reality is, God constantly lavishes me with far, far more than I need. He gives me generous and wonderful gifts. So when I give gifts to those I love, I am imaging my Heavenly Father to them, imitating the Giver of all good gifts.

Just some thoughts as I wrap up my Christmas shopping and prepare for family celebrations. I'd love to hear from you in the comments: How do you handle gift-giving at Christmas? How do you feel about it?

Multitude Monday, Take 230

2011-12-19T07:42:00.000-06:00

"All gratitude is ultimately gratitude for Christ... For in Him all things were created, are sustained, have their being... To know how we can count on God, we count graces, but ultimately there is really only One." --Ann Voskamp

Thanking God this week for...

2526. Elijah and Jude taking turns pushing each other on the push-and-ride truck
2527. fresh meat from a local farm
2528. the boys' cozy new fleece jackets from Uncle Josh (early Christmas gifts)
2529. a sidewalk-chalk Christmas tree (something feels SO wrong about that!)
2530. clementine season

2531. one-on-one time with a dear friend
2532. her vulnerability and honesty
2533. beauty in the midst of messes
2534. her girls watching my boys so we could go out for coffee and then out on...
2535. a double date with her and her husband

2536. Tim Keller
2537. the fact that our car's needed repairs are cringe-inducing, but not a financial crisis
2538. Steve and Elijah making a graham-cracker "gingerbread" house, decorated with red & green M&Ms
2539. Christmas photos and letters and cards from loved ones
2540. arnica gel

2541. a productive and restful weekend
2542. jars of homemade apple butter
2543. afternoon naps
2544. pumpkin cupcakes with salted caramel buttercream
2545. Advent wreath blazing brighter and hotter

2546. the miracle of the virgin birth
2547. the no-less-miraculous work of God in my own life:
2548. His adopting me into His family
2549. His opening my eyes and giving me a new heart
2550. His indwelling me and enabling me to choose what is right and good

Surfin' Saturday ~ 12.17.11

2011-12-17T11:02:00.007-06:00

It's a shame I haven't done this feature in a few weeks, as I've read and seen some really interesting things lately! Here are a few...

BPA Rises by 1200% After Eating from Cans ~ Food Renegade
I love how the FDA has admitted that BPA is dangerous, and we've recognized that it's enough of a problem that all the baby-product manufacturers make a big deal of advertising that their bottles, sippy cups, etc are BPA-free...yet most canned goods are still loaded with BPA and the FDA isn't doing anything about it.

For the record: bisphenol A (BPA) is "an endocrine-disrupting chemical pervasive in our food supply thanks to its use in lining canned goods. Over the years, studies have linked it to breast and prostate cancer, diabetes, obesity, heart disease, reproductive failures and behavioral problems." In the study this article references, participants ate a single serving of canned or fresh soup for five days. And those who ate the canned soup had 1,221 percent higher levels of BPA.

I want to scream when I think about the unbelievable things our government wastes time regulating, and then things like this that they simply ignore.

Completely unrelated, two posts that confirm the perspective on education which I read and found persuasive in Leonard Sax's excellent book Boys Adrift:

"Your Baby Can Read" Costs Too Much ~ Janet Lansbury

“When we instruct children in academic subjects at too early an age, we miseducate them; we put them at risk for short-term stress and long-term personality damage for no useful purpose. There is no evidence that such early instruction has lasting benefits, and considerable evidence that it can do lasting harm."

My Children Can't Read ~ Huffington Post

"Infants and toddlers have much more valuable things to be doing with their time: finger painting, running in circles, jumping on couches, pot-and-pan beating, and annoying their siblings (to name just a few). Children, especially at this young age, learn through everything they do. Playing with dirt and water inspires scientific discovery and dipping their fingers in yogurt to smear across the freshly washed table motivates undeveloped artists. There will be plenty of time for them to learn i before e, except after c when they are sitting in school desks for the next seventeen plus years of their lives."

You'll Be Sorry: Children and Apologies ~ Janet Lansbury

Finally, some food for thought as I constantly think through discipline and how to handle Elijah's wrongdoing:

"Over the years I have heard many of these forced apologies. I understand the parent’s need for them, but I have to admit they always make me squirm. To truly apologize requires empathy, and empathy develops in its own way and time, at a different pace for each child. So, often the child is not developmentally ready to understand, much less own the words she’s saying.

"What worries me most is the child who, because his caregiver has pushed him to always say ‘sorry,’ receives the message that apologizing fixes everything. He punches another child, but as long as he says, “I’m sorry,“ he’s excused and can move on, or even do it again. We are wrong to believe we teach empathy by forcing an insincere apology."

Explanation/Excuse

2011-12-16T10:23:00.000-06:00

I finally realized why my blogging always comes to a screeching halt in December after NaBloPoMo each year. How is it that I manage to post every day for 30 days, then completely stop posting except for gratitude lists?

It's because my online time in December gets consumed by Christmas shopping. I do about 95% of my shopping online--so time spent sitting here is easily eaten up with browsing and spending money. Frankly I would much rather be blogging!

For those of you who are procrastinators like me:

Shop through Ebates and get cash back for your purchases--it costs you nothing, just gets you free money!
Check RetailMeNot for coupon codes before you checkout
The Children's Place is having free shipping and 25% off everything today--combined with clearance prices, that gets me things like fleece sweatshirts for $5.

Multitude Monday, Take 229

2011-12-12T14:27:00.000-06:00

“The man who has forgotten to be thankful has fallen asleep in life.” (Robert Louis Stevenson)

Trying to stay awake and alive this week by thanking God for multitudes of gifts like...

2497. a phone conversation with a dear friend
2498. her wise and helpful advice/correctives/insights
2499. boys downstairs with Daddy, and me hearing snatches of "This is my drill. When I ask you for my green drill, this is what I want." :)
2500. time to read and journal and pray first thing in the morning
2501. a new favorite fleece pullover

2502. chicken bones simmering in a big stockpot
2503. husband preaching the gospel to me
2504. protecting me and guiding me at a time when I would have otherwise been vulnerable to bad teaching
2505. a sometimes-miraculous ability to guess what song Elijah is requesting (after he asked me to turn on "Merry Christmas," I thought for a minute and came up with Straight No Chaser's "Little Saint Nick"--and his face lit up. Yesss!)
2506. first snowflakes of the season

2507. Elijah realizing the need to apologize without being prompted
2508. packages on the porch
2509. Steve only working weekends 2-3 times a year
2510. Christmas cards and photos in the mail
2511. our friends' incredible generosity in offering "parents' day out" on Saturday

2512. my boys feeling comfortable and having fun at their house
2513. time to browse at McKay Used Books all by myself
2514. the ability to read, and read quickly
2515. the countless places books can take you
2516. a curious mind that can learn and understand

2517. our pastor's humility and graciousness in discussing debatable doctrines/topics
2518. Christ not only being the Word made flesh or the Suffering Savior but the Reigning KING!
2519. a Russian boy at church telling me my artisan bread is "magical" :) (it reminds him of home, apparently)
2520. sing-along Messiah concert
2521. the glory of the Lord has been revealed

2522. the virgin who bore a Son named Emmanuel: God WITH us!
2523. our Light has come
2524. the kingdom of this world has become the Kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ
2525. He shall reign forever and ever!

The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 12.9.11

2011-12-09T15:28:00.028-06:00

Sigh. Isn't this what always happens after NaBloPoMo? Amazing how quickly I can go from posting every day, to only posting gratitude lists on Mondays.

A little Simple Woman's Daybook for this afternoon...

Outside my window...

gray sky, bare branches. I was just looking at the starkness of it all earlier this morning and wondering where the year went. I know that's so cliched, but it seriously feels like I was *just* marveling at the beauty of the color green, and *just* complaining about the mosquitoes holding us hostage, and *just* enjoying all the reds and oranges and yellows in the trees. I feel like I'm in a time warp--even the days don't seem all that long here lately.

I am thinking...

that I really need to get a move on with my Christmas shopping, seeing that it's December 9 and I pretty much haven't really started. OY.

I am thankful for...

simultaneous naps. Jude seems to have finally settled into a more predictable nap routine, and oh how I cherish both the one-on-one time with Elijah in the mornings, and these quiet afternoons by myself.

From the kitchen...

I haven't been cooking much this week--needing to use up what's in the freezer! Though I did turn out 2.5 quarts of homemade chicken stock the other night.

I am wearing...

jeans, a gray nursing tank top and a blue zip-up fleece sweatshirt.

I am creating...

ornaments for our Jesse Tree.

I am going...

to go take a shower as soon as I finish this post. I'm kinda gross. Just keepin' it real around here.

I am reading...

a bunch of different things, as usual. Recently finished The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks and Baptism: Three Views. Now mainly in Tim Keller's newest book, The Meaning of Marriage, as well as The Omnivore's Dilemma, plus picking up Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus for daily readings in the mornings. In the car I'm on the third Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Really enjoying those more than I expected I would!

Bible-wise, I've returned to Hosea, an old favorite book, prompted by a recent conversation.

I am hoping...

to get back on track with both Bible memorization and exercising in January. Both were fantastic for the first four months of this year, and then slid into oblivion.

I am hearing...

Christmas music! I have a pretty strict "no Christmas music until after Thanksgiving" policy, but once Thanksgiving is over, it's playing 24/7 at our house.

Around the house...

the glow of Christmas lights behind me...we put the tree up in the office this year so as to keep it away from the Destroyer Baby and save my sanity :) We rushed to get our tree up right after we got home from Ohio after Thanksgiving, but we didn't bother to get out any other decorations. My mantel feels very bare without the lighted garland on it! But I am loving the little lighted tree we bought (half off at Hobby Lobby!) for a Jesse Tree, which is sitting on the piano in the dining room.

One of my favorite things...

getting fire department patches in the mail in December. My brother, who's a firefighter, collects them, and so a few years ago as a unique Christmas gift, I set out to get him a patch from all 50 states. I write ten letters a year, asking the capital city's fire department to send me a patch. The response has really been amazing. Last year was the worst, with only 4 out of 10 sending one, but we've bounced back this year--I contacted the last nine and have already received five patches--three just today! Seeing those SASEs in the mailbox puts a smile on my face--it has really become a fun Christmas tradition.

A few plans for the rest of the week[end]...

Steve emailed me earlier today and proposed 8-corner pizza from Jet's and and a movie (The Help just came out on DVD) for tonight--yay! Tomorrow some friends from church have unbelievably graciously offered "Parents' Day Out" for anyone who wants to drop their kids off and go shopping, have a date, etc., so I will probably be taking the boys over there for a few hours and going out by myself while Steve gets some projects done without interruptions. Then on Sunday night we're going to a sing-along concert of highlights from Messiah. Can't wait!

A picture thought I am sharing...
Elijah and I messed around with the webcam last week--Mom and I were finding Photobooth hilarious, but he was a little freaked out by the way it was distorting our faces. So we took a couple of regular pictures. Love my big boy and his footie PJs!

Multitude Monday, Take 228

2011-12-05T15:53:00.002-06:00

"I fill my lungs with the world, with this life, with this gift beyond containing. There is only one thing I can say: Thank you. And I must say it with my life. Through my life. To the end of my life. And after."
(N.D. Wilson, Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl)

Thanking God this week for...

2463. online shopping and Cyber Monday deals
2464. matching sweaters and PJs for the boys
2465. Elijah's giddy excitement at putting up our Christmas tree
2466. the obviousness that a four-year-old helped decorate it: four or five ornaments on one branch
2467. our cute little Jesse Tree on the piano

2468. Elijah's bravery at the chiropractor
2469. natural remedies for earache
2470. the way nursing calms and comforts Jude
2471. Christmas music playing all day long
2472. "How Many Kings" by Downhere, my new favorite Christmas song this year

2473. a visit from my wonderful mother while Steve was out of town on business
2474. her reading dozens and dozens and dozens of books to Elijah
2475. her patience and compassion with grumpy Jude
2476. her generosity in treating us to fun things
2477. her help and servanthood in a million little ways

2478. grace to preach truth to myself, choose gratitude instead of complaining
2479. grace to be patient and accept what IS instead of focusing on what "should" be
2480. the trains exhibit at Cheekwood Art & Gardens
2481. Elijah's delight in watching the trains
2482. beautiful, warm, sunny December days

2483. boys snoring in the backseat
2484. an adorable hand-me-down brown and blue striped sweater for Elijah
2485. reunion with Steve after a few days apart
2486. my boys' excitement to see Daddy
2487. a friend calling to ask for prayer

2488. all the church members who worked hard to prepare for yesterday's feast and program
2489. all the church members who shared their hard work and talents in the program
2490. kids singing "There's nothing better than Jesus!"
2491. grace to gently hold my anxious little guy in my lap instead of trying to force him to sing with his class

2492. hearing that my contribution to the program encouraged others
2493. "what I could not do, God did--and in doing it, He did it all, sending His own Son into the world to die on the cross for my sins, thereby showing me unfathomable love."
2494. "God raised [Jesus] from the dead, thereby announcing that His death was completely sufficient to to atone for every sin that I have or will commit throughout my lifetime."
2495. "God declared me innocent of my sins and pronounced me righteous with the very righteousness of Jesus."
2496. "God allowed His future and present wrath against me to be completely propitiated by Jesus, who bore it upon Himself while on the cross."

Practice What You Preach (Again)

2011-11-30T22:19:00.001-06:00

Well, NaBloPoMo ends on a rather anticlimactic note for me...because it's 10PM and I have a grumpy, hurting baby. One of those nights where you just dread going to bed because you know you're going to be up a thousand times. I'm already tired before we even start. So, rather than a thoughtful and interesting blog post to wrap up this marathon month of posting, you get this--me, sleepy and full of dread and trying to preach to myself what I preached to you yesterday:

Jude doesn't feel good. I have no way of knowing what exactly is wrong with him. He's probably going to wake up and need me several times between now and tomorrow morning. It is what it is. My job, rather than to calculate and recalculate how many hours of sleep I'm not getting and throw myself a pity party, is to love my son...to extend to him the patience and compassion I have been shown my whole life...to give thanks that I have a little boy who needs me and is comforted by my touch...to praise God for the privilege of motherhood and the little trials that force me to die to self.

What, did you think I write this blog for you? I write because *I* am thickheaded and forgetful and need to hear this stuff. You just get to listen in ;)

Acceptance = Peace

2011-11-29T15:37:00.003-06:00

I was emailing a friend earlier today to encourage her, and stopped as I found myself typing this line:

I am finding that when I accept what *is* without focusing so much on what “should” be or what I wish was, our house (and my heart) is a lot more peaceful.

Isn't that so true???! If only I could actually remember it, in the midst of trying parenting moments!

I can spend my time fuming about the things that go wrong. I can internally grumble and complain about all the parts of my life that aren't fun and all the things I'd rather be doing. I can shame my kids, use harsh words, display my resentment and damage our relationship.

Or I can accept what is. I can deal with what comes each day, not what I wish would come or what some artificial ideal in my head says *should* come. I can trust that God has ordained all things, even this, for my good and for His glory. And I can ask Him for the grace to respond to what IS in a way that honors Him and serves my family.

A friend of mine gave me this wise advice a few months ago when I was venting my frustration over a particular issue with Elijah:

Amy Carmichael, a missionary who cared for orphans in India for 55 years, said it best when she wrote, "In acceptance lieth peace." I've found in my life that acceptance is everything. When trials come, I tend to go into fight mode. As Paul prayed for God to take his thorn away, I cry out over and over for God to take my trials away. God has responded to me the same way He responded to Paul: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

So these days, while I still pray that God would do something supernatural in many of my circumstances, I also pray for the strength and patience to endure whatever He allows to come my way. I pray for joy, acceptance and contentment in everything I experience. I pray He would grow me to the point where I will truly consider my trials to be opportunities for joy.

Great stuff. Praying today that I will have eyes to see the beauty around me, a mind to know that God is present regardless of how I feel, and a heart to trust Him, choose gratitude, and rest in Him as I face what He has ordained.

Related:
My Portion
Divine Love Put Me Here
Joy. Here.

Multitude Monday, Take 227

2011-11-28T14:41:00.003-06:00

One of Steve's cousins read a passage of Scripture and offered some brief thoughts before we prayed and ate our feast on Thanksgiving Day. He shared the story of the ten lepers whom Jesus healed, and pointed out these lines, adding emphasis on one significant word:

"Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice; and he fell on his face at Jesus' feet, giving him thanks" (Luke 17:15-16).

You can imagine that all the lepers felt incredibly glad to be healed. Presumably they continued on toward the temple to offer sacrifices and even celebrate. But this one didn't just have a generic sort of gladness or gratitude. He ran back to Jesus and gave HIM thanks. And as a result, he was more than just physically healed--Jesus told him that his faith had "made him well"--had "saved" him.

I felt convicted as I thought about all this. Once you're in the habit, keeping a list of gifts is pretty easy. But there's a world of difference between a generic "counting your blessings," the world's brand of thankfulness, and a specific, personal thanks to God through Christ. Am I just thankful? Or am I thanking Him? Am I so absorbed with the gifts that I overlook the Giver?

Or to quote C.S. Lewis: "Gratitude exclaims, very properly, 'How good of God to give me this.' Adoration says, 'What must be the quality of that Being whose far-off and momentary coruscations [flashes of light; displays] are like this!' One's mind runs back up the sunbeam to the sun." (Letters to Malcolm)

I'm counting and counting, and praying that God will give me grace to look back up the sunbeam, to thank HIM for gifts like...

2434. Christmas parades
2435. cozy fire on a cold night
2436. the fact that my boys get to know some of their great-grandparents
2437. the juxtaposition of beautiful wrinkles and smooth, baby-soft skin
2438. a glass-blowing demonstration

2439. meals with friends and cousins
2440. grandparents babysitting
2441. pashmina scarves
2442. huge bags of hand-me-down clothes for Elijah
2443. brothers discussing theology

2444. furniture from my grandmother's house
2445. Jude and Elijah pushing each other down the hall in Great-Grandma June's walker

2446. women bustling in the kitchen
2447. men talking and holding babies
2448. four generations eating, laughing, singing, loving the Lord

2449. Ohio weather in November surprisingly warm enough to play outside
2450. pumpkin desserts
2451. evening card games
2452. spiced cider
2453. my boys loving Great-Grandma's cranberries just like their dad and his dad

2454. cousins throwing rocks in the pond

2455. covered bridge
2456. Pops's pretty Christmas lights
2457. children's ibuprofen
2458. extra snuggles when Elijah is feeling sick

2459. first time this year listening through Behold the Lamb of God
2460. Andrew Peterson's brilliant storytelling, and the way it moves me to tears
2461. the Brilliant Storyteller he is echoing
2462. the old, old story of Jesus and His love

Adventures in Babywearing

2011-11-27T20:51:00.000-06:00

We are very glad to be home tonight after a wonderful week up in Ohio with our families. Can you believe I am on the ball enough to throw up a couple of brand-new photos to continue my NaBloPoMo streak?

Over the weekend I got a couple of fun babywearing shots. Jude didn't get worn as much this week as he usually does, but it was kind of interesting to notice that he seemed to miss it. On Thanksgiving Day he was a bit of a wreck for most of the morning. Steve and I both ended up wearing him quite a bit that afternoon, and later in the day he was absolutely content. It occurred to me that he's used to being on my back almost every day, and he hadn't been all week. I wouldn't be surprised if he was out of sorts because he just needed to reconnect and be close.

Here we are having fun in the backyard at Steve's grandparents' house on Friday afternoon:

And then on Saturday night the whole family was babywearing! I let Elijah ride on my back occasionally--he gets a bit jealous that Jude gets a ride all the time, and with my Boba carrier it's actually not that hard to wear him (the long, dangling legs are more of a bother than the weight!). He gets a huge kick out of being on Mama's back, and it doesn't last more than about ten minutes before he's ready to go play again, so I don't mind. Anyway, Steve put Jude on his back while he grilled hamburgers for supper, and Elijah asked to ride on my back. He was feeling miserable, so I was happy to oblige. Had to snap a photo of this first-time moment when both of us had kids on our backs:

I honestly do not know what I would do without my baby carrier(s)!

Surfin' Saturday ~ 11.26.11

2011-11-26T13:13:00.000-06:00

Just a few thoughtful articles about parenting this weekend...

Spiritual Protection for Your Growing Child (or anyone else) ~ Ed Welch, CCEF
"everything is about Jesus. Not only was Jesus the focus of all their understanding of Scripture, he was also the way of change—all true change goes through him. Over the course of a few months in your home, would a bystander observe that you are talking about a person or talking about rules that seem unrelated to a person?

"...Scripture is a story in cosmic terms with allegiances, powers, rescues, all on a huge scale. “Accept Jesus in your heart” is much too tame. The King of creation has spoken to us in Jesus. Once you know him you will want to say, “Jesus, I am with you. You are my Lord.”

Creating Spaces of Personal Time, Focused on Hearing Hearts ~ Sally Clarkson
"I do not expect them to conform to me–I let them be who they are at this season of life and I have adjusted my own age expectations to enjoy and really delight in who they are at every stage. It has brought me much pleasure. But I had to give up a little of my selfish self to enter their world. And so did God, and became Jesus.

"...Discipleship is always an issue of relationship. It is not about curriculum, church attendance, rules, indoctrination, but always about reaching the heart."

Clang! Clang! Clang! ~ Whole Foods, Healthy Living
I really appreciated the honesty and the gentle rebuke of this post. Bloggers don't always have it together as much as they appear. And when we strive to do wonderful things for our families, be it cooking or organizing or saving money, we're not really serving them if we're not loving them in the process.

Friday Favorites ~ Lips and Cameras

2011-11-25T15:14:00.064-06:00

I will never, ever understand the phenomenon of Black Friday. You could not pay me enough to go shopping today. Well, OK, I probably would do it for a very large sum of money. But I would not enjoy it. I'd rather shop online any day...and so on this epic shopping day I'll at least give you two quick leads on great products that would make excellent Christmas gifts.

Hurraw! Lip Balm
Love, love, love this stuff. Given that I'm putting it on my mouth, I like using something with all-natural ingredients! It's also silky-smooth and not sticky, and the scents/flavors are totally yummy. I can personally vouch for lime, coffee, and coconut--but there are several more I want to try!

Camera Strap Covers on Etsy
I used some birthday money earlier this year to buy something I'd had my eye on for quite a while--a camera strap cover. Besides being totally cute, the covers make wearing your camera a little more comfortable. And most importantly, they give me a place to stash my lens cap, which I am forever misplacing! I ended up ordering two because I couldn't decide on fabric--the black and white damask/bright minky I originally thought I wanted, and this pink and brown floral one I fell in love with at the last minute.

There are a bazillion Etsy stores selling these. Pickleberry Lane had great prices and great service, though the cover was a bit wider than I imagined and it's fairly short--it only just covers the wide part of my strap. Other stores offer narrower and/or longer straps (if you want to cover the entire strap) and custom add-ons like ruffles, if you're willing to spend more. A few favorites that made my decision difficult:

SewTamz offers endless options; I really like the pink and black damask with ruffles
HappySnapz has low prices on lots of fun, bright fabrics, like this pink and brown Michael Miller
A Diva and 3 Dudes Design also has excellent prices and cute fabrics--I would have ordered from her if I hadn't waited too long to get the striped fabric I liked (it was sold out).

I just noticed while composing this that Pickleberry Lane is also having a 20% off sale for Black Friday/Cyber Monday--other stores might be doing the same, so check it out!

Thankful Thursday: Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T08:54:00.068-06:00

With a nod to Kelly who started me on this tradition, I have to break from Multitude Mondays once a year and devote my Thanksgiving Day post to a mega-gift list. How quickly can you think of 100 things you are thankful for this year, 100 undeserved gifts showered on you? Mine include...

1. evidence of God's grace at work in my life, changing me
2. having to humble myself and ask forgiveness
3. learning things that make me question what I thought I knew and believed
4. being forced into situations where my weaknesses, not my strengths, are on display
5. reminders of how finite and limited I am

6. God never sleeps
7. He never changes
8. He extends forgiveness freely and endlessly
9. He gives guidance and wisdom to those who ask for it
10. the way His power is displayed in my weakness

11. windows
12. arches
13. cozy fires
14. marble runs
15. wooden train tracks

16. Kindle library lending
17. the ability to read
18. more books in our house than I have time to read
19. people who are gifted storytellers, in print or on film
20. soap

21. hair elastics
22. photography
23. mascara
24. striped shirts
25. laptop computers

26. fuzzy sweaters
27. boys in matching blue oxfords
28. the click of high heels on hard surfaces
29. the clickety-clack of rapid typing on a keyboard
30. the fact that I don't have tinnitus

31. intricate, hand-stitched quilts
32. old houses with character
33. family heirlooms
34. family stories
35. family resemblances

36. being adopted as a daughter of the King
37. being molded and transformed to resemble Him
38. an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade
39. knowing that He is able to keep me
40. the anticipation of what Heaven might be like

41. my children knowing and loving some of their great-grandparents
42. our parents' and grandparents' delight in our children
43. beautiful wrinkles and aged faces
44. baby-soft skin
45. a conscious awareness of how rare and precious those moments are

46. written prayers in my journal
47. others' written prayers
48. not having to compose formal prayers with eloquent language in order to speak with God
49. Jesus opening the way for me to access the throne of grace
50. the Spirit interceding for me when I don't have words to pray

51. wedding rings
52. comfy sweatpants
53. heavy blankets
54. hairbrushes
55. toothbrushes

56. friends who take time to encourage
57. friends who let me know I have encouraged them
58. adjusted perspectives
59. the discomfort of gray areas and realizing I don't have all the answers
60. a wise husband with whom to hash through complex issues

61. living in a climate with all four seasons
62. the glorious colors of fall
63. stark, bare branches against a winter blue sky
64. the way I appreciate the color green so much more in spring
65. the extended daylight of summer

66. not knowing the future
67. knowing the One who controls the future
68. His promises to work all things for my good and His glory
69. the times He doesn't give me what I want and think I need
70. the times I am able to see and appreciate how what He gives is better

71. the astounding variety of gifts and passions God has given humans
72. people who love and are good at things I do/am not
73. people who are better than me at the things I love and try to do
74. the times God uses my gifts to bless others
75. times of quiet and anonymity

76. cousin hugs
77. argyle
78. pearls
79. DNA
80. thunderstorms

81. email
82. snail mail
83. long walks
84. leather couches
85. bridges

86. music
87. pumpkin desserts
88. frou-frou coffee drinks
89. antique convertibles
90. sharp knives

91. God condescending to become man
92. Jesus rising from the dead and being exalted above all
93. the grandeur and glory of the redemptive narrative of Scripture
94. the poetry and honesty of the psalms
95. knowing how the story ends

96. Steve
97. Elijah
98. Jude
99. our church
100. being indwelt by the Holy Spirit

WFMW: Freezer Cooking and Inventory

2011-11-23T21:26:00.000-06:00

Another anonymous commenter recently asked for food tips:

I also love food stuff -- hearing what works for you, good recipes, tips, etc. I'm particularly on the hunt for good slow-cooker recipes these days, so if you've got any of those, please share!

This dovetails nicely with yesterday's post about saving money by cooking and eating at home plus Works for Me Wednesday, which I seem to do only about once a year when I'm trying to fill up space during NaBloPoMo :)

My first tip is to cook for a crowd. When I was first married, someone gave me a subscription to Taste of Home's Cooking for Two. I've got some great recipes I still use from that magazine, but honestly? I think cooking for two is a stupid idea. All that work, and all that mess, for two portions--no leftovers, even? Good grief!

I regularly cook for about 4-6 people (at least), because we eat leftovers for lunch almost exclusively. It's quick and easy, not to mention healthier a lot of the time. But last year when I was pregnant with Jude, I discovered the joys of freezer cooking. And oh my goodness, why didn't I do this before?!

Of course, it only works if you have the freezer space, and we just got a stand-alone freezer for this very purpose a few months before Jude was born. But really, it's life-changing. Anytime I'm making something that will freeze well, I double the recipe. It's so much easier to make a bigger batch once than to go to all the trouble and deal with all the cleanup two separate times! Some of my recipes are already big, so I don't have to double them--I'll just make half again as much, or make the regular batch and freeze half, only saving enough for us to eat it leftover once (which is nice because then we're not totally sick of it by the time we eat the leftovers three times). Soups freeze particularly well, and if you freeze them flat in ziploc bags, they stack and thaw nicely.

For dishes like lasagna or enchiladas, I line a glass pan with foil and freeze the unbaked dish just long enough for the food to be solid--then I pop it out of the glass pan and put the foil-wrapped food in a ziploc bag. When I want to bake it, I take it out of the bag and put the food + foil back in the glass pan to thaw in the fridge and then bake. Similarly for meatloaf, I put it on a cookie sheet and freeze it, then pop it off the sheet and put it in a bag.

I also freeze partial meals or ingredients. For example, I'll mix up all the ingredients for tuna noodle casserole except the noodles--so then all I have to do is boil some noodles and mix it all together, very simplified. Or I'll cook a huge crockpot full of dried beans and freeze them in one-can portions. I cook whole chickens and shred the meat, then freeze it (flat--it thaws much more quickly) in about one-pound portions, and I brown about 5-6 pounds of ground beef at a time and freeze it (again, flat!) in one-pound portions. Doing this makes taco night or spaghetti night a breeze, because all I have to do is add seasoning or sauce.

My other tip for freezer use is to keep an inventory. I typed up a list of things I commonly have in my freezer, organized by category, with extra spaces to write in other items. I then slipped the lists in plastic page protectors and taped them to the top of our chest freezer. I also taped a wet-erase marker to a string next to the list. I can tell at a glance what's in my freezer, so that things don't get buried and forgotten. It also helps me to plan ahead (I've only got one bag of beans left, so I need to add them to my grocery list and cook some more). Having the list taped to the lid and having the marker right there helps me not forget to add or erase things when I get into the freezer--otherwise this system totally doesn't work. (I have problems making it work for my upstairs freezer, which I'm in and out of a lot more often.) I still have to empty and re-inventory/reorganize the freezer about once or twice a year, but keeping an ongoing list helps immensely.

I'm so glad I've discovered all these tips and tricks for cooking in bulk and using my freezer! It was absolutely wonderful when I was newly postpartum. But even without a newborn in the house, it's a lifesaver. I love to cook, but with two little boys, life happens and it's sometimes hard to get a good meal on the table. Having pre-made food in my freezer means I have [healthier and cheaper] options besides take-out for those days when everything seems to fall apart, or when I know I'm going to be gone all day, or when I just don't feel like cooking. And it just plain makes life easier to make twice the food for the same amount of prep time and cleanup!

How has freezer cooking worked for you?

[Check out We Are That Family for more Works for Me Wednesday tips!]

Finances and Staying Home: Four Words

2011-11-22T20:58:00.002-06:00

An anonymous commenter recently asked:

My husband and I have a 7 week old, so I'd love to know some of your tips for budgeting in order to stay at home.

Thanksgiving week seems an appropriate time to talk about this--because when I stop to think about our financial situation, the primary thing I have to feel is gratitude. Steve provides more than enough for our family to live on, so I have the freedom to care for our boys and our home full-time. I recognize that my ability to be at home is a privilege, and the relative ease with which we can make that work is a blessing I don't take for granted.

Really, I feel like the last qualified person to write a post like this, because so much of where we are financially has nothing to do with anything we have done right. Steve and I were set up for success in some huge ways that were out of our control. We don't deserve any of what's been handed to us! Both sets of our parents are wise and generous, having both instilled smart financial principles in us and given lavish gifts to us. I received a scholarship to college, leaving me with no school loans. My husband has a terrific job at a solid company. Did we work hard in school? Does Steve work hard to earn his pay? Sure. But even this is grace: God gave me the mind to be able to excel academically, and put me in a family where education was valued and emphasized. God gave Steve the same, as well as a skill set that just happens to be in a field that pays relatively well. We can't take the credit--it is all GRACE.

So I recognize that any advice I can give is coming from a place of privilege. We aren't wealthy, but we got a wonderful "head start"--and all we can do is humbly give thanks and seek to be good stewards of what we've been given.

There are plenty of other blogs you can visit on the web for solid advice on budgeting and saving money. I am in awe of the stay-at-home-moms who exhibit incredible diligence and skill in stretching their family's income! So for that kind of advice, you'll have to look elsewhere. But I think I have about four words to offer in the way of general thoughts:

GRATITUDE. Look for the ways God is providing for your needs. Look for the ways He is abundantly providing far beyond what you need. And give thanks--start counting! From the fact that I can drive a few miles and fill up a grocery cart with food, to the hand-me-downs that friends and family give us to clothe our boys, to the skills Steve's dad taught him to be able to work on our house...all these gifts we don't deserve and did not earn, just grace upon grace. And on a similar note...

PERSPECTIVE. You can be Eve, turning your attention away from all that you've been given to focus on the one thing you lack. There will always, always be people who have things you don't have. Or you can look at all the people who don't have what you have. If you make more than $2/day, you are already richer than half the world!

There's a real sense in which you really have nothing; it all belongs to God. And then in another sense, you have everything, because you are His heir! He has merely entrusted money and possessions to you temporarily, to use wisely, for His glory. So give generously and with your eyes on eternity.

FORESIGHT. Though this is too late for the original commenter, it may be useful to younger readers. If the idea of staying home with children is even a possibility down the road, I would highly recommend that you and your husband never get used to living on two incomes. Steve and I agreed from the start that if I worked before we had kids, we would not use my income as part of regular living expenses. Adjusting to the expenses and altered lifestyle of a baby is hard enough without also having your budget drastically reduced! Use the second income to build an emergency fund, or invest for retirement or college, or pay off debt--but don't use it to support a high standard of living you can't sustain on only one income.

And for the single ladies: Think twice before accumulating debt during your single years. Avoid it whenever possible! Even school loans may have a dramatic impact on your future family long-term. I'm not saying you should never take out loans for college. I *am* saying that you should consider this carefully, recognizing that your debt will be a burden to your family, if you get married, and may even hinder your ability to stay home.

SACRIFICE. All things considered, we live very comfortably--you can hardly call our lifestyle "sacrificial." But we do have to prioritize in order to live and give as we do. Every family's priorities are different, so the things we go without may seem like necessities for others, and vice versa. But I'd guess that in almost any family, you can find some ways to scale back and give up things you don't *really* need in order to allocate funds elsewhere. For example, we don't have TV. We have basic cell phone plans, without data or unlimited texting. We drive higher-mileage cars; we have old, hand-me-down furniture. We don't go out very often. These things are minor, but they add up.

Two other quick tips worth mentioning: One key part of our budget is "discretionary money." Steve and I each get a little money out of every paycheck that is ours to spend, no questions asked. Anything extra we want, whether it's coffee at Starbucks, a new book for Kindle, clothes or shoes, whatever, comes out of that money. If I want something big, I have to save up; when it's gone, it's gone. I think this has really helped me to curb unnecessary spending.

And then, learn to cook. We very, very rarely eat out. I think our food budget is actually pretty high because of the way we choose to eat, but it doesn't have to be. You can save a lot of money, even if you're not into "extreme couponing," just by eating at home. Cook for 4-6 instead of two, and eat leftovers for lunch. Buy foods in bulk where possible; cook from scratch instead of buying processed ingredients. Not only can you trim your food budget this way, but you will also likely see long-term savings in your health care costs.

So, that's my two cents on finances and staying at home. What do the rest of my readers think? Weigh in below with your own advice and experiences about managing your money (as well as your favorite websites for budgeting or money-saving tips).

Failure, Fear and Freedom

2011-11-21T09:51:00.010-06:00

I was honored to be asked recently to write a guest post for one of my newest favorite blogs: Christ in the Chaos (formerly known as Life with Littles). Kimm is a woman who loves and breathes the gospel--and who graciously lets us read along and be encouraged as she preaches it to herself in the midst of everyday motherhood! I can't tell you how many times I've printed off posts or copied quotes just in the few short months I've been reading. This is definitely a blog to add to your feed reader--or you can follow her on Facebook.

Over at her place today, I talk about the failure I feel as a mother and the ways I'm tempted to fear...

Motherhood has laid me low like nothing else. Over the last four years, God has used two precious little boys to humble me to the dust, to expose just how "false and full of sin I am," just how inadequate and helpless and dependent I am, no matter how much I might wish otherwise. I have, to be totally honest, hated it at times for that very reason. I don't like being brought face to face with the reality of what a mess I am, what a failure I am and how totally I screw up all the time.

And if I don’t like knowing how far I fall short, I certainly don’t like for others to know it. I want to be the mom people admire; I want to have the kids everyone finds delightful. Instead, those around me see me fumbling and stumbling, no more awesome in this parenting gig than I was four years ago when I held a tiny newborn and wondered, “What have we done?”

So when I am full of despair at how little I have grown and changed in the last four years…when I am embarrassed by my children’s behavior or fearful of how other moms are judging me…I have only one place to go.

[continue reading over at Kimm's awesome blog...]

Happy, Adorable Boys

2011-11-20T15:58:00.002-06:00

As I enjoy Sunday family time, a couple of quick snapshots of my boys--Ten on Ten provided me with some photos that didn't make the cut, but which I still very much enjoyed.

Elijah is SO hard to photograph these days--he either refuses to look at the camera, or makes a very fake cheesy grin. I captured this shot while he was enjoying one of his favorite pastimes: crawling around on the floor with Jude.

Another shot from the impromptu changing table photo shoot. Tell me, is there anything cuter than baby toes?

We are blessed to have a nice park close to our home and the boys love swinging. Elijah is working up to the big swings, but for now prefers the baby swings since he can go so much higher when he feels more secure.

Surfin' Saturday ~ 11.19.11

2011-11-19T12:58:00.001-06:00

Vote for Me, Please!
MyGoodBirth.com is hosting a waterbirth photo competition. At my doula's suggestion, I entered two of the amazing photos she took of Jude's birth. Voting is open to the public--would you mind taking just a few moments to click over and vote for my pictures? (Fair warning: Many of the other pictures on the site are rather graphic!--but the links take you directly to my photos.)
Photo #1
Photo #2

52home@home
Just in time for Christmas! I have always enjoyed Janelle Mahaney Bradshaw's photography, featured at GirlTalk--now she has opened an online shop where you can purchase artwork. I am going to have to do a little browsing as soon as I get a few minutes (like when NaBloPoMo is over!).

Make My Notebook
Another shopping tip for the journaler in your life--I saw this site advertised in a magazine, and I haven't had a chance to check it out yet, but it looks promising: you can choose size, cover image, and paper type to customize these handmade journals.

Picture the Holidays ~ Paper Coterie
I really love Paper Coterie's products, and I'm intrigued to participate in a photography challenge they're hosting called "Picture the Holidays." I don't know much about it, but I've signed up and am looking forward to prompts that will help me slow down, pay attention, and take more photos (along the lines of 10 on 10). Wanna join me?

Quick Check-In

2011-11-18T21:49:00.003-06:00

I made it over halfway through NaBloPoMo before getting to the "it's the end of the day and I'm tired and I haven't written a blog post yet but I don't want to lose the challenge" post :) That's allowed once, right?

I've got several posts in the works, including...
~why homebirth?
~why hire a doula?
~two fabulous stocking stuffer ideas
~revisiting a couple of old posts on anger
~reflections on various passages of Scripture and their connections to parenting

...but for tonight, I don't have the mental energy to bring any of them to completion. Instead I'll leave you with questions--what's your favorite type of post I write? What would you like to see me write about during the rest of the month?

Remembering to Praise: Happy Birthday, Jude!

2011-11-17T13:01:00.009-06:00

Most days I forget to praise.

I named him Jude so I would remember, so I would fight for joy and choose to say, "This time, I will praise the LORD." But the days are still long and mothering small children still exposes all my rough edges, all the dark and ugly parts of my selfish heart that resist this never-ending call to lay down and die. I say it a hundred times a day--"Jude!" [Praise!]--but still I forget.

So I make lists. I read books and blogs and articles, and I write my own so I'll hear the words I so easily forget. I do this to remind myself that I have countless reasons to praise the LORD, from the Incarnation and the Cross to the Resurrection and my own adoption and redemption. And for the last ~~year~~ thirteen months, I have had a million more reasons to praise, if I will just wake up and pay attention to this beautiful little boy.

Jude came into our lives in a way that was an answer to many prayers and an occasion for much praise. Over the months that followed, I have felt overwhelmed by many struggles, but I have also experienced much grace.

Nursing, despite all my expectations and hopes that it had to be better the second time around (surely experience had to count for something), was a total nightmare for about eight weeks. But by grace, I persevered--my boy grew chubby thighs on my milk alone--and at thirteen months, he signs "milk" while he's nursing and flashes me a gap-toothed grin that melts my heart.

Sleep? Overrated, Jude says. I'm not my big brother; I don't need twelve hours a night plus naps (yes, I was ridiculously spoiled by Elijah). But I have a husband who helps with the middle-of-the-night parenting. I get a lot more sleep now than I did a year ago. And in the early morning hours, when my quiet time has been interrupted and I've had to go rescue a pajama-footed towhead from his crib earlier than I would prefer, he sits in the middle of the floor and tosses every (unfolded--I'm not usually stupid enough to leave the folded loads within his reach) piece of laundry across the floor, and giggles.

Mealtimes? A chore, I'm not gonna lie. I delay solids as long as possible because exclusive breastfeeding is easier, faster, more convenient, less messy, and free. I dread this stage, when pickiness abounds and he's not old enough to be reasoned with. But, hello First World problem! I have food to feed my child! Lots of it! A wide variety, and it's got plenty of calories and nutrients, and he can, in fact, consume it and digest it! Also he looks hilarious with black beans smeared all over his face.

When I stop and slow down and think, I have to "who gets the last word" myself. The newborn stage still isn't my favorite. The years may be short, but the days are long. BUT the years are short! I have a healthy, happy little boy (two actually!). God has chosen an incredibly kind way of refining me. I am forgetful, but He remembers me and He reminds me. He has set before me a monumental task, for which I am weak and inadequate, but He walks with me, He fills me, and He demonstrates His power and sufficiency through me.

A year ago, among my many fears, I wondered whether I would slog through the darkness of postpartum depression again. I am overcome with gratitude when I sit here and realize how my Father has protected and preserved me. There have been dark days. I have felt discouraged and full of despair. But I have been *present* this year. I have been more able to enjoy Jude's babyhood. And however haltingly, however infrequently, however weakly--I have been able to praise.

Happy (belated) birthday, sweet baby Jude.

Today, I am praising God that you're ours.

Celebrating Waiting

2011-11-16T20:40:00.024-06:00

Usually waiting is a process to be dreaded, avoided, or endured. Who among us likes to wait for what she doesn't have but earnestly desires? But this fall, I am very much looking forward to a season of waiting.

Over the last several years, I've read all kinds of beautiful ideas for celebrating Advent and building Christ-centered traditions in the weeks leading up to Christmas. It seems, though, that every year Advent sneaks up on me. I don't think much about Christmas at all until after Thanksgiving is over--and then Advent is already underway and I don't manage to do much of anything different or special.

This year, now that Elijah is old enough to begin to understand and participate in some special celebrations, I am looking ahead and making plans for "celebrating waiting" during Advent. I want to spend the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas helping my family focus on Jesus and building excitement about His coming to earth!

The most significant thing I'm anticipating this year is doing a Jesse Tree. If you've never heard the term, a Jesse Tree is a special kind of Advent calendar that tells the grand story of God's plan of redemption, from Creation all the way through the Old Testament to the birth of Jesus. The concept comes from Isaiah 11, where God promises His people that He will bring "a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit" (v. 1). Each day of Advent, you read a story from the Old Testament and look for Christ in that story, adding an ornament to your Jesse Tree to represent a prophecy or an ancestor in the lineage of Christ.

I've downloaded and printed Ann Voskamp's Jesse Tree devotional, and just this afternoon I went shopping to purchase a small tree and begin collecting ornaments. The devotional, which can be downloaded for free, includes color pictures that you can cut out and mount on cardstock for simple ornaments, but I like the idea of using three-dimensional objects instead. I've gotten ideas and inspiration for this from Passionate Homemaking and Rocks in My Dryer. You can get as fancy or as simple as you like--and you can build your collection over the years, rather than having everything "just so" right away the first year.

My wonderfully talented husband recently finished making an Advent wreath modeled after this beautiful one designed and made by Ann Voskamp's son (available for purchase on the website). It is gorgeous!

And a few other pre-Christmas resources and links for your enjoyment:

~I've heard great things about Nancy Guthrie's collection of Christmas readings, entitled Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus: Experiencing the Peace and Promise of Christmas. I bought it last year but only got to read a couple of the essays, so I hope to make it through the whole book this year.

~One of my favorite Advent traditions, ever since discovering them four or five years ago, is reading through some of John Piper's Advent poems. I've attempted to write poetry in strict meter and rhyme only enough to know that it's very, very difficult to do well. Piper has (in my opinion) an extraordinary gift for it. Not only is the poetry beautiful, but his "imaginative reconstructions behind figures of the Bible" are amazing. Every year I am moved and awed by the way he points to Christ and the glory of God in these poems. I don't believe he writes new ones anymore, but the 25-year archive of past Advent poems is available at Desiring God's website. I highly recommend listening, not just reading.

~I hope to revisit Noel Piper's excellent book Treasuring God in Our Traditions soon--it's been several years since I first read it, but I know it had some wonderful ideas for meaningful Christmas celebrations.

What Advent or Christmas traditions do you anticipate and enjoy each year? I'd love to hear about them in the comments!

Rudeness Meets Patience

2011-11-15T11:38:00.000-06:00

The phrase that comes out of my mouth more than any other these days (with the possible exception of "Gentle! You need to be kind to Jude!") is "Try again. You may not speak to Mama that way."

The four-year-old in our house is learning and testing the power of words, which means we're experiencing a lot of screaming and yelling, a lot of arguing, a lot of rude comments and demanding instead of requesting. It's aggravating, to say the least. So I spend a majority of my day correcting and scripting. But the tone of that correction varies dramatically--and I felt convicted about that last week when I read some insights from Tim Keller's book King's Cross.

Keller explores the "Request of James and John" in Mark 10, where Jesus has just finished describing to the disciples how He will be tortured and killed. After this grim and sobering prophecy, the first words out of his closest disciples' mouths are startling. Keller writes:

"James and John say, 'Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask.' That's a great way to start a prayer, don't you think? 'Oh Lord, I have a humble request, and I want you to do exactly what I say.' Jesus puts up with them graciously--that's the way he was. 'What do you want me to do?' he asks. He doesn't say, 'Um, would you care to start over?' Or 'How dare you talk to me like that? Don't you know who I am? Don't you know who you are?' He simply says, 'What do you want?'"

Now, obviously I need to correct Elijah when he speaks disrespectfully. My job as his mother is to teach him how to express his desires and emotions appropriately, without rudeness or screaming/whining. But there is a world of difference between a calm, matter-of-fact "You may not speak to me that way. Try again," and an angry, indignant "You may NOT speak to me that way!! TRY AGAIN!"

I can (should--must!) correct and teach Elijah without getting personally offended and outraged. The difference between Jesus and James/John was infinitely greater than the difference between me and Elijah! While Elijah is instructed to obey and honor me as his mother, I am more like him than not. We stand as peers before the holy God. And I am not inherently worthy of respect and honor in the way that Jesus is. So if He can respond patiently to James and John's (and my own!) ridiculous arrogance and petulant demands, how much more do I need to display that same patience as I interact with my four-year-old son (who IS a child, not just acting like one)?

Oh, how thankful I am for the way God is slow to anger, infinitely patient, abounding in love and compassion toward me. And oh, how I need His grace as a mother to enable me to reflect those qualities to my impressionable sons.

Multitude Monday, Take 226

2011-11-14T14:33:00.000-06:00

"...I lie on the ground, face down in the carpet, penitent with thankfulness for a life undeserved, for beauty and happiness unmerited, grateful for the stars and the starlings, for the grass and the leaves and the bound-up bales of love I've been given..." (N.D. Wilson, Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl)

Thanking God this week for...

2304. phone conversations with my mom
2305. Jude finally eating scrambled eggs
2306. leftovers remade into something more appealing
2307. finally connecting with a neighbor for a walk on a gorgeous day
2308. the joy and peace she exudes in spite of her circumstances

2309. free pizza from Papa John's
2310. bright and beautiful moon
2311. footie PJs
2312. Elijah spinning in circles trying to get his other arm in his footie PJs
2313. bright yellow gingko trees

2314. the crunch of dry leaves underfoot
2315. the beauty and variety I saw on Thursday when I paid attention
2316. star-shaped sweet gum leaves
2317. Elijah using kind words, displaying patience
2318. the smell of homemade granola

2319. Jude's fake sympathy cough anytime someone coughs, sneezes or clears their throat
2320. Elijah wanting to wear sunglasses because his 12-year-old friend is wearing them
2321. the Shelby Street pedestrian bridge downtown
2322. time to sit and read while nursing
2323. seventeen pounds of turkey smoked and pulled, eaten and frozen

2324. homegrown lettuce from a friend
2325. Elijah's Sunday school teacher
2326. pumpkin pie cake
2327. a backrub from my sweet husband
2328. dishes and kitchen tools from my grandma, constantly reminding me of her

2329. 70-degree weather, short sleeves in mid-November
2330. encouraging, challenging, convicting words on motherhood from Ann Voskamp
2331. two children, and the holy ground I walk on every day at home as I raise them
2332. the opportunity to learn to lay down my life for these boys
2333. the Lamb of God who laid down His life for me

Old Photographs

2011-11-13T14:06:00.003-06:00

Sometimes the world of digital photography blows my mind. Recently I was looking at old photos of my ancestors, and I was thinking about how crazy the developments of photography have been over the last 150 years. A photograph of my great-great-grandmother was a rare and precious thing. I mean, these were people who could count on one hand the number of times they'd had their portrait taken in their entire life. And then you have my boys: in four years, I have taken literally THOUSANDS of pictures of Elijah.

I had to laugh when I imagined having an iPhone camera and explaining it to my great-great-grandmother: This is my telephone. It fits in my pocket. It also has a typewriter and a camera all rolled up inside. With no wires attached. I'll use it to take your picture, and not only will you be able to see it immediately, but I'll also post it on an imaginary wall where people around the world will be able to see it instantly.

I mean, seriously?

Anyway. I use Picasa for most of my photo organizing and editing, and one of the things I love about it is the ease of scrolling through and looking at old photos. ("Old" here meaning within the last five years, rather than 150 years ago.) No pulling photo albums off dusty shelves, searching for the right book or flipping pages to find the right age. With just a few clicks, I can easily find Elijah at exactly 13 months, or 2.5 years. I do need to be better about printing and preserving photos, but I do love having them all on the computer at my fingertips.

So this week's Sunday cuteness is a photo of Jude at 12 months with the giant lion, and a photo of Elijah from around the same age. Steve and I were amazed when we scrolled through some fall 2008 pictures the other night and saw how much Elijah has changed--in many of the pictures, he hardly looks like the same kid. It makes me really curious to know what Jude will look like down the road.

Jude and the Lion, 12 months - this was one of my favorite 12-month outfits, and Jude wore it exactly once, for this photo. He's so much bigger than Elijah was that he started out this fall already too big for a lot of our cute 12-month winter clothes.

Elijah, around 13 months. This was one of my favorite pictures of him that month.

Surfin' Saturday ~ 11.12.11

2011-11-12T10:01:00.000-06:00

Because God Really Knows How to Meet Needs ~ A Holy Experience
When You Are in Desperate Need of Hope ~ A Holy Experience
Ann Voskamp's posts from her Compassion International trip to Ecuador have brought me to tears twice this week. Just beautiful. I really love and believe in the ministry of Compassion, and I think these blogger trips they do are quite amazing. The level of transparency they exhibit really impresses me. If you're not familiar with Compassion and/or don't currently sponsor a child, I'd especially encourage you to check out Ann's posts and explore the possibility of participating in God's grace and generosity to those in need.
[see also: Is Compassion International a Good Investment? - a post from June's blogger trip to the Philippines]

Our Local Occupy Protest ~ That Lady with All of Those Kids
Just made me laugh :)

Food Blog Search
This looks like a neat tool: a custom Google search engine that pulls search results from a couple of thousand hand-selected food blogs, so you can find tested and proven recipes from trusted foodies rather than crossing your fingers that whatever regular Google turns up will be amazing.

Why Read Books? For People. ~ GospelLife
A thoughtful and helpful exhortation to think about *why* I read: "Reading the Great Books opens a window into the minds, hearts, and souls of people. Great literature opens our eyes to the emotions, motivations, and values of people. By understanding people better, we are better able to apply the gospel of Jesus Christ to people’s lives."

Samira & Daniel: Hitched!
Just for fun--if you like photography and/or weddings, you'll enjoy checking out the photos from the recent wedding of one of my college suitemates. She looks like a movie star, and the photography is just gorgeous. Incidentally, Samira also has her own calligraphy business, and her work will blow your mind.

The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 11.11.11

2011-11-11T16:09:00.002-06:00

To end the week, a little Simple Woman's Daybook...

Outside my window...
sinking autumn sun (I love the angle of late-afternoon autumn sunlight!), mostly-bare trees. It's been a crisp but gorgeous day--perfect for this morning's outing to the Veterans' Day parade!

I am thinking...
that this quiet afternoon is an unexpected blessing--with not getting home from downtown until after 3:00, I didn't think there was any way I'd get Jude down for a nap!

I am thankful for...
the men and women who have sacrificed to give me freedoms I take for granted--for example, a friend of mine noted on Facebook today that she was thankful for "the freedom to choose how many children to have, how to have them, and what and how to teach them." Things I hadn't considered, but am glad about. I forget that others have made tremendous sacrifices so that I can live the way I do.

From the kitchen...
my house smells glorious because I have homemade granola in the dehydrator--haven't made any in ages and we LOVE that stuff. Earlier this week I did some experimental baking: Mocha Cupcakes with Espresso Buttercream as well as Nutella filling and/or icing for some of them. It was a fun and delicious experiment :) Tonight and tomorrow are both just C.O.R.N., as Home-Ec 101 likes to call it (Clean Out Refrigerator Night)--we need to eat up the enchilada casserole I threw together as a way to salvage beef molé leftovers (I do not recommend that recipe, though I was proud of my improvised casserole based on a friend's idea), sloppy lentils (I do recommend that one) and/or the baked potato soup I made last night (my own combination of this new recipe and an old one of my mom's).

All day tomorrow we (okay, Steve) will be smoking a 17-pound turkey, which is currently sitting in brine in the fridge. Good times. Soon I hope to try out Pumpkin Cupcakes with Salted Caramel Buttercream and/or Pumpkin Spice Latte Cupcakes. Frosting cupcakes is NOT my gift--they look rather sad and disgusting--but oh well if they taste yummy :) Ooh, just thought of one other recent new recipe--I can highly recommend Smitten Kitchen's red wine chocolate cake, after making it last Friday, and the whipped mascarpone topping is fantastic.

I am wearing...
jeans, this shirt in Tidal Teal Heather (got it last Christmas and love it--and wow I am a little link happy today!), socks. Need to go put on my slippers; my toes are cold.

I am creating...
a clean desk. I miraculously found a desk underneath the mountain of vaguely-desk-shaped clutter in our office last Friday, but I still haven't completely finished the job and dusted.

I am going...
to get off the computer and go try to tackle that kitchen as soon as I finish this blog post.

I am reading...
mostly just Guns, Germs and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies and Baptism: Three Views. I recently finished and *adored* Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl, and also enjoyed David Halberstam's Firehouse. I've been dipping into A Long Obedience in the Same Direction and Positive Discipline for Preschoolers a few times. And in the car or while I'm alone in the house doing mindless chores, I'm listening to Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I had absolutely no interest in the Harry Potter books until I read this Andrew Peterson article, and now I'm really enjoying the audiobooks (I'm about a third of the way through #2).

Bible-wise, I'm mostly still in 2 Chronicles, Proverbs, and Mark (using King's Cross as a sort of commentary).

I am hoping...
to celebrate Advent/Christmas in some really special and meaningful ways this year. More on that soon.

I am hearing...
popping noises on Elijah's monitor. I wish I knew what caused that. It's super annoying.

Around the house...
the kitchen is a disaster (see above). I've got some cleaning and decluttering to do before our friends come over on Sunday!

One of my favorite things...
Jude signing "nurse"--melt my heart! He doesn't always do it when he *wants* to nurse, except at bedtime. But often while he already is nursing, he'll sign "nurse" (we use the sign for "milk"--opening and closing your fist) and then grin at me.

A few plans for the rest of the week...
just a quiet Friday night/Saturday with my guys, playing catch-up around the house. Looking forward to having some friends over on Sunday night. Then Steve and I have a date to use a Pad Thai voucher from Living Social next week, yippee!

A picture thought I am sharing...
Elijah and me, standing on the Shelby Street pedestrian bridge over the Cumberland River. Elijah is obsessed with bridges, and this was the first time we'd ever explored this one downtown. A great end to our morning/afternoon watching the Veterans' Day parade and enjoying a picnic lunch at Riverfront Park! Not sure why E looks so angry in the photo--he was thrilled to be on the big bridge. Three and four are not very photogenic ages, in my experience :)

Ten on Ten: November 2011

2011-11-10T12:30:00.036-06:00

I found out about the Ten on Ten photo project several months ago, and NaBloPoMo is finally giving me the motivation to give it a shot (ooh, bad pun...that one's for you, Zo). Founder Rebekah Gough explains:

I started the Ten on Ten project back in January of 2008. My amazing family had just given me my very own SLR for my 28th birthday. I had given birth to my second son (sixteen months after my first) and out of desperation to combat a horrible bought of post pardum depression I longed for a project to help me find beauty even when my world was so exhausting and hard with two little ones running around.

The project has since grown to be a fun and interactive way for bloggers from all around the globe to document a snap shot of their lives too, once a month on the tenth taking a photo an hour for ten consecutive hours. Finding much life and beauty among the ordinary things of our day!

Tonight is Date Night In for Steve and me, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the second half of today uploaded and posted--but I thought I'd go ahead and take some time this afternoon to post my first few photos. It has been fun to keep my camera nearby all morning and pay closer attention to the beautiful ordinary all around me!

Happy Blogiversary to Me

2011-11-09T14:08:00.001-06:00

Today marks the eighth anniversary of this blog. How is that even possible?

I created Lavender *Sparkles* back in 2003, as a college senior--probably when I was supposed to be writing a paper or studying for a test. I only knew about one friend who had a blog, but I loved reading it (he has long since stopped blogging, sadly). So I started my own on a whim. I didn't post again until nine months later, and those first few months of posting were...well, let's just say I've grown up a lot in eight years.

Anyway, here we are, and I still marvel at the idea that there actually are several of you who "read my random musings." Thanks for sticking with me through posting feasts and famines. Thanks for giving me your precious time and putting in your own two cents. Thanks for taking the time to encourage me and for saying my kids are cute. I often think of how I want my blog to be more than it is, but have not devoted the time or the discipline to making that happen. In the meantime, I'm grateful for an outlet to write when the urge does strike me, and for the readers who care about and respond to what I have to say.

I'm also taking nominations for a name change. I really don't like Lavender *Sparkles*, but as my favorite writing prof in college would tell you, I'm terrible at titles.

Photographic Evidence of the Awkwardness

2011-11-08T23:53:00.002-06:00

T-minus 16 minutes and I don't have any drafts close enough to be able to finish them before midnight. So, for your daily laugh, I present to you...me. and Steve. in middle school--circa 1994.

I can't believe I am actually posting this...

Wow. Just...wow. I mean, what are you going to say besides, "Bless her heart." That is really a face only a mother could love.

Thank You, Lord, for contact lenses, and braces, and learning to do my hair (believe it or not this was actually GOOD hair...because this was post-growing-out-the-mullet...oh yes I did have a mullet). And thank You for giving Steve a growth spurt...

I can't just leave you with that one. OY. Here we are on our way to our senior prom:

Unlike middle school, these were actually good times...but it's way more fun now, when Steve actually *knows* that I love him, and loves me back, and I'm not overanalyzing his every move and hyperventilating because prom is almost over and we haven't even gotten to have one single slow dance together... (I never did tell you that whole long story, did I?)

But oh, the days when those were my biggest problems :)

Multitude Monday, Take 225

2011-11-07T14:33:00.000-06:00

"...for gratitude to work, there must be one responsible--a Giver of gifts." (N.D. Wilson, Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl)

This isn't just a "things that make me happy" list. I'm disciplining my eyes to run back up the sunbeam to the sun, to recognize the kindness and generosity and extravagant love of the Father who gives all good gifts, including...

2272. a friend's listening to the Spirit and letting Him convict me instead of pointing out what she saw
2273. the way He did, indeed, open my eyes to my sin
2274. the privilege of participating in 40 Days for Life
2275. a gorgeous day for a zoo visit
2276. crisp, sweet, juicy Cameo apples

2277. wrestling meerkats
2278. monkeys screeching, Elijah laughing hysterically
2279. Steve's help peeling, coring and slicing nearly a bushel of Mutsu apples for the freezer (to use on oatmeal pancakes)
2280. long-overdue chores finally finished
2281. eyes to see grace and a heart to celebrate it

2282. opportunities to point out to Elijah in the moment how God is providing grace
2283. Steve's commitment and loyalty to me
2284. Candy Cane Joe-Joes
2285. Elijah singing unrecognizable (made-up?) songs about Jesus
2286. desk unearthed from mountains of clutter

2287. my new once-every-two-weeks babysitter, and the hours she gave me on Friday to be productive without interruptions
2288. fabulous dinner and fun/conversation with friends
2289. Steve's early Saturday morning meetings with a friend
2290. carpooling
2291. reminders that my thoughts and plans are not God's

2292. His thwarting seeds of idolatry growing up in my heart
2293. a long-overdue catch-up phone call with an old friend
2294. the way Steve gets and loves the gospel
2295. the fact that our salvation is works-based: but based on Christ's works, not our own!
2296. a friend letting me borrow her Ergo at church when we left our carrier at home

2297. her graciousness when Jude peed all over it
2298. the humbling experience of realizing we were supposed to have cleanup duty last week but skipped out
2299. children's picture book about autumn leaves
2300. gorgeous, gorgeous weather
2301. mosquitoes finally gone

2302. the motivation that NaBloPoMo provides
2303. YOU, for stopping by here regularly to see what I have to say

My Favorite Guys

2011-11-06T13:44:00.002-06:00

As I rest and enjoy family time today, I'll leave you with a couple of recent photos of my favorite guys:

Daddy and Elijah enjoying last month's trip to the pumpkin patch. That doggy hat was a library story hour freebie a couple of years ago and we've gotten SO much mileage out of it :)

Jude, moments before his first haircut. A sweet friend got rid of his baby mullet the day before he turned ONE (which I'll be posting about, with pictures, soon!).

Surfin' Saturday ~ 11.5.11

2011-11-05T10:32:00.001-05:00

A little link love for the weekend--things I've recently bookmarked on Delicious:

Cultural Cliches ~ Femina
A little encouragement for a season in which I found myself lamenting to my husband just a few nights ago that nothing on my daily to-do list is critical/urgent...

New Studies Prove that Replacing Mom Jeans Can Result in Surgery-Free Liposuction
Hilarious and enlightening. Are you wearing Mom Jeans? Do you have the dreaded Long Butt? Check out this fashion guide complete with helpful photos!

Our New and Exalted Identity ~ Tullian Tchividjian
"If you’re a Christian, here’s the good news: Who you really are has nothing to do with you—how much you can accomplish, who you can become, your behavior (good or bad), your strengths, your weaknesses, your sordid past, your family background, your education, your looks, and so on. Your identity is firmly anchored in Christ’s accomplishment, not yours; his strength, not yours; his performance, not yours; his victory, not yours. Your identity is steadfastly established in his substitution, not your sin. As my friend Justin Buzzard recently wrote, 'The gospel doesn’t just free you from what other people think about you, it frees you from what you think about yourself.'”

Stories are Soul Food: Don't Let Your Children Hunger ~ N.D. Wilson / Desiring God
After recently reading and LOVING Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl, I'm definitely interested in reading more of N.D. Wilson's work. Here, he makes a compelling case for stories: "Christians believe that this world is so much more than a mechanical soulless machine. And yet, we tend to tell our children stories that (we hope) will only speak to their intellects. ...Kids (and adults) don’t just need the truth in their heads — they need it in their bones. They need to know what courage looks like and tastes like and smells like before they ever have to show it themselves. They need to do justly, and love mercy, and walk humbly — heroes and villains can show them why. They need to loathe the darkness and love the Light."

25 Ways to Wear a Scarf in 4.5 Minutes
I've always felt intimidated by scarves. But now I'm feeling motivated to get one and try it out. Besides being super informative, this video is stunning in its creativity and execution! Watch it just to appreciate the talent even if you don't care about scarves :)

Snippets

2011-11-04T22:14:00.003-05:00

Browsing through my drafts folder, I found a half-finished meme from a year ago. Seems like the week for randomness--why not? Sunday Snippets on a Friday night, with questions courtesy of Zoanna.

1. What is one thing you really look forward to every day?
Steve walking in the door after a day of work. I love the excitement on Elijah's face and in Elijah's voice when Daddy comes home, the way he comes running to get a hug and a kiss. I love the way Jude hears the back door open and frantically crawls toward the kitchen, or throws himself backwards if he's in the baby carrier, writhing to get out and get in Daddy's arms. And I love getting a hug and a kiss myself :)

2. What is one of your good habits?
Giving thanks. Whoever got me started on "Thankful Thursdays" a few years ago did a beautiful thing...then Ann Voskamp has kicked it up a few notches, especially with inspiring me to keep a visual homemaking journal on my kitchen counter where I scribble lists of gifts throughout each day. Would you believe I am up to 8700 since I started counting a couple of years ago?!

3. What is one of your bad habits?
Picking at and chewing my cuticles. I just can't stop, no matter how many times I've tried. And now Elijah has picked it up--URGH!

4. How does your place in the birth order affect you, positively and negatively?
I'm the classic female firstborn, bossy and opinionated :P Which is in a lot of ways negative, but has also developed qualities in me like responsibility and leadership and such.

5. What is something you really admire about your best friend?
She adores her husband and is committed to only speaking well of him to others. I remember having conversations with her before we were married about how she hated to hear other women at beauty salons and various places having these man-bashing sessions and complaining about their husbands. She vowed that she wouldn't do that--and as far as I know, through eight years of marriage, she has kept that resolution. I love the way she respects and builds up her husband!

6. Do you prefer baking or cooking?
I really like both--which is in itself a huge testimony to the grace of God. Maybe baking best, just because I have such an incurable sweet tooth :)

7. What was the most embarrassing thing you've done lately?
While I was in Ohio spending time with my mom, we stopped at a gas station one morning to grab drinks. She stayed in the car and I ran inside. When I came out, distracted, I headed straight for the nearest car. It was similar in color and style to my mom's car...but when I opened the passenger door, I was greeted by a surprised old man who said, "Wrong car!" I was mortified as I apologized and hurried around to my mom's car parked right beside it. My mom was laughing so hard she was crying.

8. What is one thing you'd like to accomplish in the next year?
Plan and execute a women's retreat for the beautiful ladies at our church. With help, of course--in fact, our planning committee is meeting tomorrow afternoon.

9. What is something you'll pay "good money" for?
A baby carrier. I don't know how any parent survives without babywearing--and a GOOD carrier makes all the difference. The one that gets the most use at our house these days (Jude is on my back daily, sometimes multiple times a day if he's particularly cranky) is the Boba.

10. What was something that made you laugh today?
Elijah, talking with Daddy in the car on the way home from hanging out with friends tonight: "Daddy, you can sleep at my house."
Steve: "No, actually you get to sleep at my house."
Elijah: "Um, actuawy, it's mines house."

Switchbacks

2011-11-03T18:09:00.004-05:00

For the longest time, whenever I imagined the spiritual metaphor of climbing a mountain, I always pictured someone headed straight up the steep side. But it was pointed out to me a few years ago that no one ever climbs a mountain that way. I can't even climb the little hill across the street that way! Whether you're driving or hiking or however you intend to ascend, if it's steep at all, you always have to use switchbacks. Sometimes they're circles around and around the mountain, slowly rising. Othertimes it's just back and forth, back and forth, gradually up one side.

This makes me feel a little better when I think about how many times in life I have felt like I'm going in circles. I've been here before; I've learned this lesson in the past, just apparently not well enough. Here we are again, the same struggles over and over and over... But the reality is, it's not *quite* the same lesson I learned before. My elevation is a little bit higher; I'm a little bit closer to the summit--just following the switchback, coming to the same spot at a slightly higher level.

I so often feel discouraged when I think about how long I have failed in the same ways, how many times I have been defeated by the same sins. I look over the last four years of motherhood especially and feel like I haven't changed at all--my heart is still just as ugly as it was revealed to be at the very beginning of this journey.

But a few experiences just in the last few weeks have encouraged me: I *have* grown. If I take the long view, oh so much has changed. I am not the same person I was in middle school or high school. God has done SO much work in me even since college. The climb is slow and arduous, more sideways than vertical. I stumble and lose ground, yes. But I'm fighting to trust that we are indeed climbing. And the God who launched me on this journey and walks beside me has promised that we will, without a doubt, reach the top one day.

[edited repost from the archives]

On Surviving Middle School

2011-11-02T21:37:00.000-05:00

I'm kicking off NaBloPoMo with a really different kind of post, for me...brought to you by This American Life (one of my very favorite podcasts) and my blog-friend Zoanna, who requested memoir writing this month. This week's TAL episode was "Middle School," and listening to it this morning took me right back to the nightmare that was junior high. So, I have no idea where this will end up, but here goes a little stream-of-consciousness reminiscing about my middle school years...

Sixth, seventh and eighth grades were among the worst years of my life thus far. Can I get an amen? It began with drama, drama, drama among my little group of friends (we were often referred to as the "preps"--though I never could get anyone to explain to me what that meant exactly). My BFF since second or third grade suddenly decided she really didn't like me or most of the other girls in our group anymore, so there was this huge split, with her and a couple of girls who made the cut on one side, and me and the others left bewildered, wondering what we'd done or why she found us so unbearable. OY, the drama.

Slumber parties were a big source of entertainment and drama in these years...I have vivid memories of "slam books" and fights and people getting their feelings hurt, of trying and failing to stay up all night long, of Truth or Dare and freezing each other's underwear, of scaring ourselves silly doing things we had no business doing...

Things on the girlfriends front kind of calmed down through seventh grade, as far as I can remember. Then in eighth grade I experienced a whole new level of betrayal: I'd patched things up with my BFF (it seemed we were always on-again, off-again, and it was always her who was pulling back--maybe I was smothering?), and I'd also gotten close to a new girl over the summer who was a year younger but lived in my neighborhood and played on my softball team. During volleyball season that fall--one particular bus ride home stands out in my memory--the two of them suddenly decided that *they* were best friends. And I was OUT. I never did understand what happened or why, but the pain of that loneliness went deep.

Oh, the awkwardness...the angst-y journal entries...the self-absorption...it is a wonder any of us come through junior high unscathed. Thankfully for me, high school was a MAJOR turning point. Life changed significantly for the better once I got to choose my friends more and hang out with kids in other (older) grades. Everyone kind of settled down, grew up, and spread out in high school, and though there was still plenty of awkwardness and angst, I have many happy memories of high school. (And, I'm glad to say, though my elementary and middle school BFF and I sort of drifted apart peacefully through high school, we ended up reconnecting in a really fun creative writing class during our senior year, and saying goodbye on a sweet note.)

I had a random but enlightening realization about all the junior high dating stuff just recently: It occurred to me that the two girls from my class who were always the most popular with the boys, the ones whom every guy in our class liked, the ones who hopped from "relationship" to "relationship" (because what does "we're going out" really mean when you're twelve?!) all through middle school--they are the only two girls who aren't married now, at (almost) 30. Don't get me wrong--they have both been successful and have fulfilling, even exciting lives. I'm not at all implying that they should be pitied or that they're sitting around wishing they were married. But I find it highly ironic nonetheless.

My identity throughout middle school was so wrapped up in all the boy-girl stuff. None of the boys ever liked me, except a couple whose attentions I found embarrassing or appalling (I am sure I did my share of *being* the cruel kid, so anxious to be popular and not ostracized that I was willing to do the ostracizing at times). I was frequently teased about my acne; I towered over all the pre-pubescent boys; I was too smart for my own good. So although I mostly maintained a position (if somewhat precarious) in the popular crowd, it was not a popularity with the opposite sex. My love life was a crash-and-burn disaster before it ever got off the ground. I harbored secret crushes on various boys and felt so much self-hatred, equal parts "why don't any of the boys like me?" and "it's obvious why none of the boys would ever want to go with me."

So I sit here at 29, married to the handsomest guy from our class, who is also incredibly smart and successful and awesome (and who was, incidentally, also a pretty big nerd with no love life in middle school)...and I just want shout to every boy-crazy, self-loathing, anxious junior high girl I've ever met: Your self worth does not depend on whether these stupid tween boys want to "date" you! None of this drama, none of your singleness now, has any bearing on your future happiness or your chances for love! In fact you are much better off being spared the heartache and potential life-changing snares of getting wrapped up in relationships at this stage of your life!

The junior high kids were my favorite age the two summers I was a camp counselor--I vastly preferred them to the too-cool high school girls--and I tried to tell them these things. Their boy-craziness drove *me* crazy. I don't think they really heard me.

Anyway. It's past my bedtime and I've rambled long enough about junior high. I'm not sure this will be interesting to anyone but Zo, but for lack of anything else to post tonight and a desire for sleep, there you have it :) Maybe for your enjoyment later this month, I will dig up some embarrassing photos and/or post some circa-1994 journal excerpts, a la Cringe.

NaBloPoMo 2011!

2011-11-01T23:35:00.018-05:00

NaBloPoMo, here I am...and just in the nick of time :)

I've participated in National Blog Posting Month every year since its inception in 2006, and pulled off the challenge successfully every year but one. I haven't won a prize yet...maybe this will be my year?

I think every November 1, I offer the same cliches: my blog has been lackluster lately, this will give me a good jump start, breathe some new life into the blog, etc, etc. Let's be honest, that hasn't ever happened in any kind of sustained way; in fact, typically I find myself posting even less every December after the 30 posts in 30 days marathon wears me out. So I'm not going to make any silly promises this year. But if nothing else--here's hoping you'll get a steady diet of new content for the next few weeks.

I might be crazy--attempting this with a four-year-old and a one-year-old is going to be a lot harder than with a three-year-old and a brand-newborn--but I'm signing up to give it a shot. With any luck, you'll finally see some of the drafts that have been rolling around in my head for months. If nothing else, you'll get some new recipes and some cute photos of my kiddos :)

Here we go...who's with me?

Multitude Monday, Take 224

2011-10-31T14:42:00.043-05:00

"I look at the world and I see beauty. I see love and loss, birth and death, joy and sorrow. I see a world where color exists, and in enormous generosity we were given eyes to see it. This is a world where bread makes a smell as it's baked, and we just happen to have noses to smell it. Color, smell, sound, taste--these are things that could have gone unnoticed; we could have been senseless in this reality, careening around like so many spattering particles. Were our noses invented first, or the smells? Our eyes, or the sights? ...We have been created as recipients. I look at the stars, at the grass, at my fat-faced children, at my fingernails, and I am oppressed by gratitude."
--N.D. Wilson, Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl

Thanking God for...

2237. wonderful trips and travels (the reason I didn't blog about my gratitude the last two Mondays)
2238. 365 days of Jude!
2239. remembrances of God's mercy and generosity on the day of Jude's birth
2240. a first haircut (bye-bye, baby mullet :)
2241. a party with family

2242. frosting in Jude's belly button
2243. wine and conversation with my brother- and sister-in-law after the kids were all in bed
2244. two days with my mom and my aunt
2245. Steve keeping the boys at his parents' to free me to go
2246. boxes of stuff from my grandmother's house--some needed, some useful, some purely sentimental

2247. World War II love letters
2248. old, old photographs
2249. family resemblances
2250. stories told and retold
2251. reminders that stuff fades, moth and rust destroy, much of what I save and value will be unimpressive and discarded by others

2252. a Treasure that no moth or rust can destroy, that will never lose its value
2253. nursing home workers
2254. family recipes scribbled on bits of scrap paper, stashed in creaky metal boxes
2255. a walk to Dietsch's with Mom
2256. my grandma's delight in her great-grandsons

2257. Steve's mad car-trunk-packing skills
2258. audiobooks
2259. Jude doing so well apart from me for two days
2260. Jude's eagerness to nurse as soon as he saw me
2261. one-liners from Elijah that leave my mom in stitches

2262. Elijah learning to be both cautious and brave
2263. having to ask forgiveness
2264. Chick-Fil-A sauce
2265. brilliant fall colors
2266. opportunities to bless others as we have been blessed

2267. electricity
2268. communion by flashlight, lunch in the hallways--adventure, memories at church yesterday!
2269. our pastors and their care for us
2270. chili verde and the celebration of a new church launched and led by our friends
2271. Steve's motivation and help in cleaning up the kitchen to start a new week with an empty sink

Multitude Monday, Take 223

2011-10-10T15:24:00.000-05:00

Thanking God this week for...

2213. snazzy camera strap covers with lens cap pockets
2214. a freshly swept patio
2215. slippers for cold toes
2216. a video from my last chorale concert my senior year of college
2217. Elijah doing push-ups "like Daddy"

2218. Red Caboose Park--complete with a REAL caboose to climb on!
2219. friends to share it with
2220. table surrounded with chattering kids
2221. Steve taking me out for dinner just because
2222. people liking books I recommended to them

2223. a friend's husband FINALLY got transferred to work back home
2224. a cousin is pregnant!
2225. kids climbing, crawling, sliding, jumping, running, riding, laughing at the pumpkin patch
2226. the way gratitude actually seems to help defuse whining for Elijah
2227. oatmeal pancakes with cinnamon apples

2228. snuggle time on the couch
2229. time playing the piano and singing
2230. Elijah playing the piano
2231. Jude's hair all fuzzy and sticking up after sleeping in the Boba carrier
2232. seventeen new jars of strawberry-rhubarb jam

2233. being my Rock of Refuge
2234. the fact that if I will fear Him, I need not fear anyone else
2235. being FOR me
2236. His promises to give me all that I need and to complete what He has begun in me

The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 10.6.11

2011-10-06T16:21:00.000-05:00

For lack of other posts, The Simple Woman's Daybook... (Or is it better to just keep my mouth shut? Does anyone find these posts interesting or are they not really worthwhile?)

Outside my window...
Unseasonably warm. Trees are starting to turn and I thought sweater-and-flip-flops weather (my fave) was here to stay, but it was back up in the 80s today. Not complaining. Wishing the mosquitoes would die off once and for all, though.

I am thinking...
that I miss blogging. That I should have jumped in with the "31 Days" themes this month, to give myself some discipline both in keeping up this blog and in working on a writing project I want to dig into.

I am thankful for...
a new(ish) family at our church that has become dear friends of ours. The boys and I spent the morning at their house--always a blessing, for many reasons.

From the kitchen...
overflowing fruit. We recently bought grapes and apples in bulk, but I was dismayed to realize that Concord grapes aren't really good for eating out of hand--so I may try to make a grape pie, but otherwise will end up freezing most of them (some whole, for use in smoothies, and some pureed, for use in yogurt/oatmeal for the boys). I've also got several pounds of tomatoes waiting to go in the summer's last tomato pie and various other "last time" tomato recipes.

I am wearing...
jeans and a dark pink shirt in the shade that has become a new favorite color for me to wear. And flip-flops. I delay socks as long as possible in the fall :)

I am creating...
I finally made some stamped cards last Friday night for the first time in ages. I still have hopes for the prayer/parenting writing project I mentioned in July...but I haven't gotten very far.

I am going...
to refrain from naming a lofty goal here since I'm pretty sure I almost never follow through with what I say I'm going to do in these posts :/

I am reading...
Tactics: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions (so that I can hold my own when Steve goes all Columbo on me)...God of Promise: Introducing Covenant Theology (if I can get through it--the content is important and I want to understand it but it is SO unreadable)...and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (just because I never have, believe it or not). I recently finished and really enjoyed Playful Parenting. I also still haven't finished (but am loving) Give Them Grace. I'm thinking about reading through the Anne of Green Gables series again, which I haven't done for several years.

Bible-wise, I'm mostly in 2 Chronicles, Proverbs, and Mark (using King's Cross as a sort of commentary).

I am hoping...
to catch up on my out-of-control inbox sometime soon.

I am hearing...
Jude talking on the monitor. I don't think he ever actually fell asleep. Alas.

Around the house...
clutter everywhere. I am hopelessly behind on housework and *really* need to get the office (which I have affectionately begun referring to as "The Room of Doom") under control. Yikes.

One of my favorite things...
pumpkin spice latte. Haven't gotten one yet this fall but I can't wait. And, the moment when my sweet husband walks in the door at the end of a long day.

A few plans for the rest of the week...
Steve is taking me (and the boys) out for dinner tonight, just because! Then on Saturday we're headed to a local farm/pumpkin patch/corn maze/etc. Should be a fun family outing.

A picture thought I am sharing...
to say that Jude enjoyed the chicken enchiladas and Mexican black beans I made on Saturday would be an understatement :)

Multitude Monday, Take 222

2011-10-03T16:12:00.000-05:00

"...make me a perfume of praiseful gratitude to thee..." (The Valley of Vision)

Thanking God this week for...

2185. Joe Thorn's "Walking Through the Valley of Vision" prayer guide
2186. the humbling process of asking Elijah's forgiveness and praying with him
2187. the sound of a lawn mower
2188. Unbroken at the library's used book sale table for $1!
2189. finally joining PaperBack Swap--and getting a request immediately

2190. kneading bread dough by hand
2191. an extra vacation day we didn't realize we had
2192. the way Steve has insights and perspecives that don't occur to me
2193. Steve's appreciation for my cooking and baking
2194. pretty fabrics

2195. an abundance of clothes for my boys
2196. Elijah's awesome speech therapist and her ongoing commitment to help us
2197. His sovereignty and kindness in bringing her into our lives
2198. her candor and enthusiasm
2199. her generosity

2200. a sunny afternoon at Centennial Park
2201. hitting the children's book jackpot at McKay's, on behalf of a friend who's expecting
2202. focused time and conversation with Steve
2203. seeing the gospel in the Old Testament
2204. clean, sweet-smelling boys

2205. a first birthday party for Jude's friend Polly Jane
2206. the opportunity to buy local, eco-friendly fruit in bulk for cheap
2207. hobby night with old friends
2208. new friends here for dinner
2209. Jude waving for the first time

2210. Sunday afternoon and evening in sweatpants
2211. big pot of chili
2212. His making and keeping spectacular promises

Four!

2011-09-30T23:22:00.014-05:00

They say the twos are terrible, but that wasn't my experience. While two was difficult because of Elijah's language delays, it was otherwise not at all marked by the maddening behavior parents warn you about.

Others say three is worse than two, but the first half of three was actually delightful. Elijah had made great gains with his verbal skills, thanks to the Vanderbilt study, and I very much enjoyed this age. I have sweet memories of the last months before Jude was born, wrapping up our participation in the study and just soaking up the time with my firstborn before his brother arrived.

Then there are those who speak in hushed, ominous tones about the half-year disequilbrium of 3.5. Or, in Moxie's words, "then 3 1/2 comes along and smacks us down, and it can be bewildering and awfully demoralizing."

More specifically, childhood development researchers Ames & Ilg have observed that kids "tend to cycle in 6-month waves between equilibrium...and disequilibrium." Or, in plain English, "for awhile children would be fluent and cheerful, coordinated, learning new things all the time, and happy little kids doing things smoothly. Then they'd go through a period of being physically clumsy, stuttering, being in foul moods, and just having things go wrong a lot of the time." (AskMoxie)

I totally buy that theory.

Three and a half was rough, I'm not gonna lie. I'm sure a lot of it has simply been all the issues that a new baby in the family creates and reveals. But let's just say, I very much looked forward to Eljiah's fourth birthday. Very much.

So far I wouldn't say he's swung completely back into equilibrium. In fact, I think we were a couple of months off from the 6-month mark in getting here, so I'm still riding it out, with plenty of difficult days. But I am seeing daily gains in his abilities and the things he is learning. Often I have to stop and marvel at the big boy he has become--holding doors open for me to push the stroller through; getting dressed all by himself; expressing his thoughts and emotions clearly...I have a preschooler now!

As I look back on photos, I see a HUGE difference between three and four, this transformation from toddler to boy. And though his birthday is now almost two months past, I want to take some time to celebrate my firstborn.

Underneath the difficult behaviors, this little buddy really is my favorite four-year-old in the world. I love his tenderheartedness, his helpfulness, his sense of humor, his affection, his uncanny sense of direction, his love of books and music. I love that he still says "map" instead of "nap." I love his nonstop chatter on walks and his joy in the simplest routines.

I love how he runs ahead and how he stops and waits to hold my hand when we cross the street. I love the quirky phrases he uses and the way he brings conviction by repeating my admonitions when *I'm* the one who needs to hear them.

I was thankful for a simple but really fun day spent celebrating Elijah's birthday in August. My friend Mandy came over to babysit Jude so that I could take Elijah to IHOP for lunch.

He thought it was crazy fun to eat pancakes and bacon--two of his favorite things--for lunch! Then the wait staff brought out an ice cream sundae and sang to him, which was a big hit.

After our lunch date, we stopped at a park for a little while and I tried to just slow down and drink in these moments.

We had originally planned to celebrate with my parents the following weekend, but their visit had to be canceled, so I decided at the last minute that we might as well have cake and ice cream with our friends Tony and Mandy, whom Elijah loves, and with whom we meet for dinner and prayer every Wednesday night anyway (his birthday was on a Wednesday). So when we got home from our date, Elijah helped me make a carrot cake, and then we got to enjoy it with our friends after we sang to our little buddy and helped him blow out FOUR candles.

It has been a long, hard four years, and it has been a breathless, blink-and-it's-over ride. If there is a time to build and a time to tear down, then this little boy has been the tearing down of me, the breaking and laying low and exposing of me. I am supposed to be teaching him, yet day after day he is God's instrument for teaching me: how false and full of sin I am, how gentle and full of grace my Savior is, how deeply and desperately both Elijah and I need Jesus, how hopeless we are anywhere but the foot of the cross.

Ann Voskamp once wisely wrote:

The son births first and he grows, the woman still an infant mother.
And all the raising of the boy, this is her long labor, and she has to remember to breathe.
And it’s only after a whole score of years that she delivers into true motherhood, when her son leans down and kisses her forehead gentle. This is her full-term day. She only wishes it came sooner, at the beginning, when he first came.
It takes all the years of making a boy into a man — to teach a woman how to be a mother.
Do you know how wild this makes me?

Wild indeed. My heart breaks, writhes with fear, as I consider the ways I am screwing up this sweet boy, the hurts I cause, the damage my sins and mistakes will do. I look into those deep brown eyes ("I have brown eyes just like you have brown eyes, Mama!") and I feel long, skinny arms and legs wrapped around me, and I squeeze extra tight, and I ache. This boy made me a mother, and unfortunately for him I will spend his entire life learning how to mother, trial and error (and error and error). I can only throw myself on the mercies of the One who, against all reason, entrusted little Elijah to my care. I praise Him that He is bigger than all my failures, and that Elijah is ultimately in His hands, not mine. And I thank Him for this unspeakably precious gift, for four sweet, hard years with my son, and I ask Him for His grace for many more.

Introducing...

First Birthday

Two!...and Some Thoughts on Trust

Two [Birthday Celebrations]

My Little Man Turns Three

Multitude Monday, Take 221

2011-09-26T11:25:00.000-05:00

What happened to this blog? Why have I not been writing for the last several weeks? Sigh...

In the meantime, I always have plenty of things to be thankful for, if only I will open my eyes and choose gratitude over grumbling. Thanking God this week for...

2157. a long-overdue haircut
2158. two hours at Starbucks alone
2159. the parenting journey God has me on, with all of its messiness
2160. grace to function on way too little sleep
2161. a long-overdue visit with dear friends

2162. having visited them often enough to have traditions
2163. Steve portraying the gospel in how he serves me when I am weak
2164. famous homemade pepperoni rolls
2165. lots and lots of thoughtful and interesting discussions
2166. our friends' three adorable kiddos, and the privilege of watching them grow up over the last eight years

2167. Settlers of Catan
2168. the boys' excitement when Daddy comes home
2169. Jude's white-blond hair curling right above his ear
2170. a good excuse to try out this decadent cake
2171. grace to keep my mouth shut

2172. flock of birds doing a crazy, beautiful synchronized dance in the sky
2173. a long traffic light so we got to stand and watch them while waiting to cross the street
2174. finding my lost iPod
2175. great finds at a local school's annual used book sale
2176. time with friends

2177. our pastor's Sunday school lesson on Romans 8 yesterday:
2178. being FOR me
2179. not sparing His own Son
2180. giving me all things
2181. declaring me justififed

2182. raising Christ from the dead
2183. His love, from which NOTHING can separate me
2184. making me MORE than a conqueror

Multitude Monday, Take 220

2011-09-12T17:09:00.000-05:00

Thanking God this week for...

2127. a visit from Steve's parents
2128. all the work Steve and his dad got done on the house
2129. antique shopping with my mother-in-law
2130. my new collection of blue and green glass
2131. windows open, breezes blowing

2132. 20+ pounds of fresh peaches that are, as Jessie Rae would say, STUPID good!
2133. greater peace, a more settled heart
2134. the million little ways my MIL served us while she was here
2135. the eggs our chickens have started laying!
2136. zero-VOC paint

2137. a long-overdue phone call with a dear friend
2138. sweater and flip-flops weather
2139. a friend's example of preaching to herself and fighting to trust
2140. insightful parenting books
2141. washable markers

2142. peach desserts
2143. grace to be calm and patient
2144. Elijah holding doors open for me
2145. deep conversations
2146. the opportunity to participate in the KidTalk study

2147. His sovereign control over all events
2148. miniature shopping carts at Trader Joe's
2149. dinner with a guy Steve works with--who just moved in a few blocks from us
2150. last weekend's company picnic
2151. kiddy rides that Elijah loved

2152. Jude's gleeful giggles over fried chicken
2153. ice cream cones
2154. Elijah's question upon seeing the Nashville skyline: "Did Daddy build it?"
2155. a lovely afternoon spent with friends
2156. their countless examples of joyful servanthood

Multitude Monday, Take 219

2011-09-05T22:23:00.003-05:00

A difficult email from a dear friend this weekend had me doing the hard eucharisteo, choosing by grace to turn toward God and thank Him for...

2111. my friend's courage
2112. the fact that she cares enough about me and about our friendship to speak hard words
2113. her example of not fearing man
2114. grace at work in me, enabling me to make a preliminary response of humility and gratitude rather than anger and defensiveness (this can only be His grace in my proud heart!)
2115. my sweet husband immediately noticing and taking time to talk with me about it

2116. the fact that Steve and I are on the same page about pretty much everything
2117. Steve's calm, wise, reassuring words
2118. the promise that He *will*--not just *can*, but WILL--use this for my good
2119. orchestrating conflict in order to grow and refine me
2120. His commitment to make me more like Christ

2121. not letting me flounder, but instigating ways for me to see my failures and make course corrections
2122. the fact that my status as His beloved daughter does not depend on my performance
2123. Jesus' perfect record of obedience, transferred to me
2124. not having to be concerned about my reputation because the cross has already declared publicly what a screw-up I am and what I deserve
2125. covering all my sins completely

2126. fresh motivation to seek His face and depend on His grace

Related:
A Mess and a Savior
The Honest Truth About Me

Joy. Here.

2011-08-29T14:21:00.001-05:00

Friday afternoon found me sitting outside, massaging my temples, willing myself to choose gratitude over resentment, truth over emotions. Despite the blessings of our trip, let's just say it had been a long week on the road with my boys (1100 miles, three beds in four nights, no Daddy).

As I sat on our back patio thanking God for bugs chirping and wind blowing through leafy branches and sunlight creating patterns and shadows on the ground, I tried to preach truth to myself. My mind went to a familiar favorite, Psalm 16, as I reminded myself that "the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance" (v. 6). Then I thought about the last verse:

"...in your presence there is fullness of joy..." (Psalm 16:11)

If there is fullness of joy in His presence...and He is present everywhere, inescapable, never leaving or forsaking me...then there is joy HERE.

I think I've always read this verse as a hopeful Heaven promise. You know, on That Day, when every tear is wiped away, and sin and satan are forever destroyed, when we stand in the presence of God, *that's* where fullness of joy is. Here, today? Not so much.

But Friday afternoon, as I sat breathing deeply and willing Steve to pull in the driveway, it occurred to me that I have limited the scope of joy. It may be hiding. It is not all sunshine and rainbows; it may not look like I expect or think I prefer. I will have to fight to choose it. But I am in His presence here. That means there is joy here.

On days like today, I am not honestly sure how. But over and over and over again, God is trying to teach me to believe Him and fight for joy and choose to praise Him here, now. In His presence there is fullness of joy and He is *here* and joy is here. I will tell myself until I know it to be true.

My Portion

Calling it Beautiful

Despising the Pleasant Land

Multitude Monday, Take 218

2011-08-29T10:53:00.002-05:00

After a long week on the road with my boys (hence the lack of posting last week), I'm thankful to be home again and for the many blessings of our trip, including...

2086. safe travels over more than 1,000 miles
2087. not feeling sleepy while I drove all of it myself
2088. boys traveling SO well overall
2089. Jude's blowout diaper happening at the very end, when I had a bathtub to stick him in and an extra pair of hands to help
2090. time to talk with my parents

2091. drumsticks from Dietsch's
2092. opportunities to spend one-on-one time with my grandmother
2093. her delight in seeing my boys
2094. Elijah pushing her wheelchair
2095. gorgeous, gorgeous weather up in Ohio

2096. looking at old pictures with my mom and my aunt
2097. lunch with Steve's family
2098. reminders that "stuff" rots and fades and becomes worthless trash
2099. the Word of the Lord stands forever
2100. our Treasure cannot decay or be destroyed

2101. Elijah asking to snuggle with Pops and then Grammy
2102. best corn on the cob yet this summer
2103. a summer evening walk
2104. Jude sitting in the grass, eating it
2105. Panera's Fuji Apple Chicken Salad

2106. my brother making pancakes and bacon for breakfast
2107. Elijah playing fetch with my brother's dog
2108. dry pants and well-timed poop
2109. singing in the car
2110. reunion with Steve after five days apart

Weekend Wanderings 8.20.11

2011-08-20T13:11:00.003-05:00

I've come across lots of interesting things in the tubes recently...someday I want to link my Delicious bookmarks to my blog, but until I get around to that, I'll have to do it manually through these posts, when I think of it or feel like it :)

The Real Reason Not to Cover Up Nursing Mothers

If women feel more comfortable nursing in public under a big cover, more power to them. But there are good reasons *not* to, and this article presents one of the most compelling and fascinating I've ever heard. Read the whole article for a bicycle metaphor and a heartwarming story about a gorilla! See also:

Breastfeeding as Worship

@Sorta Crunchy: "Ultimately, we have collectively swallowed our culture's poisoned message that declares breasts to be singularly sexual, therefore breastfeeding is something to be covered. ...To agree with our culture's corrupted view of breasts and breastfeeding is to deny God's beautiful, exquisite design. According to His perfect plan, breasts are dual-purposed wonders of creation, perfect evidence of a holy blend of function and form. Oh, how it must grieve the heart of God to see what we - even we! Those called according to His Name! - have allowed our thinking to become regarding His incredible design."

23 Gross Motor Games and Activities for Preschoolers You Can Play with Two or More People

I have a hard time getting on a ~~three~~ four(!) year old level and playing. I'm not very good at thinking of fun things to do. So I am definitely printing and referring to this list of ideas, especially as the weather cools and being outside becomes bearable again!

A Wind Storm

Rachel Jankovic @Femina: "These are the kind of days when my husband tells me that I was being fruitful, even if it doesn’t look productive. A fruit tree doesn’t move things from an in-basket to an out-basket all day. It is not in the business of ticking off boxes on a to-do list. Sometimes the business of being fruitful is standing in the rain, holding on to your branches in a wind storm, or simply providing shade. Every day is not an apple harvest day. Every day is part of a process, part of a journey towards fruit. Your whole life is part of a fruit bearing work, but today was just a wind storm."

God Will Never Give You More...

Nancy Wilson @Femina: "I was trying to be encouraging and helpful, so I said something like, 'Don’t worry! God will never give you [more than you can handle].' On my way home I realized that I had said something very stupid and untrue. ...Our God is much better and greater and kinder than that!"

Is the Main Thing the Only Thing?

@Joe Thorn: "There is more in God’s word than the gospel. God has given us his law to show us the way, uncover our corruption and condemnation, and point us to our need of redemption. There are commands to be obeyed, there is wisdom to learn and practice, and affections to feel and be moved by. But, the law itself is unable to create within us new hearts, or empower us to obey its demands. So let me say it this way: The gospel is the main thing, it is not the only thing. However, it is the only thing that brings life, power, and transformation. The gospel isn’t everything, but it does connect to everything, and preachers and teachers in the church must be able to show that connection lest we allow the church to drift (or even be lead) into various kinds of hopeless, powerless legalism."

I Wish I Had a Child Like You

@Desiring God: "We must fight the temptation to boast in or covet children. How gifted or successful or even holy they become is no sure evidence of God’s blessing on us. Neither are disabled or disobedient children evidence of God’s disfavor.God’s blessing rests on the one who 'hear[s] the word of God and keeps it.' Belief is the evidence of blessing."

Ron Paul and the Top Tier

@The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: "How did Libertarian Ron Paul become the 13th floor in a hotel?!" This video is hilarious. And maddening.

The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 8.16.11

2011-08-16T13:53:00.001-05:00

It has been a long morning. Now that both boys are down for naps, I am needing to breathe for a few minutes before I go scrub toilets. Enter The Simple Woman's Daybook...

Outside my window...
gorgeous, gorgeous weather. And mosquitoes.

I am thinking...
that my life revolves around poop these days. Who's pooping, who's not pooping, where they are pooping, what it looks like, what they are eating to produce said poop...you're jealous, aren't you.

I am thankful for...
the fact that my boys' digestive systems work, however erratically...the fact that they both find comfort in being near me, even when I am a terrible excuse for an impatient and harsh mother...and a husband who serves and serves and serves and serves some more.

From the kitchen...
last night was a new tomato recipe that was just "meh." I'm not saving it. Tonight I think we're having bruschetta pizza, one of my favorite things to do with summer tomatoes: a homemade whole-wheat crust, topped with cheese and sausage, then taken out of the oven and finished with a mix of tomatoes, fresh basil--oops, we don't have any fresh basil, I just realized--garlic, balsamic vinegar and olive oil. I'm also test-driving quiche recipes from Smitten Kitchen this week, in preparation for a baby shower I'm hosting on Saturday.

I am wearing...
black knit gauchos and a pink tank top. Why no, I haven't showered today, why do you ask?

I am creating...
giant tissue paper flowers, I hope, for the baby shower.

I am going...
to blog about Elijah turning four soon.

I am reading...
mostly The Poisonwood Bible. That's got me so absorbed that most other books have been temporarily cast aside. I mean, it's depressing and maddening and awful, but also brilliant and engaging. Before that, I recently finished Uncle Tom's Cabin and From Fear to Freedom: Living as Sons and Daughters of God. The former was marvelous; the latter, only so-so. When I finish the novel I'll go back to the other various books I have started: Give Them Grace, Redemption, The Gospel for Christians, Choosing Gratitude. Maybe one of these days, ironically, I'll get back to Getting Things Done.

Bible-wise, I am in Proverbs, 2 Chronicles and Mark.

I am hoping...
to have all this poop nonsense behind me soon.

I am hearing...
sounds of rustling over Jude's monitor, meaning he is quite likely awake after only 30 minutes or so of naptime. OY.

Around the house...
cleaning and organizing in preparation for Saturday's baby shower. I'm going to have somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 ladies here for brunch, so I've got some work to do. I'm reminding myself that the goal is to bless, not impress, and that they will remember the atmosphere of my home long after they will remember my living room decor (or pitiful lack thereof).

One of my favorite things...
crepe myrtles in bloom, shades of pink all over the place.

A few plans for the rest of the week...
a dear friend is coming over tomorrow morning to catch up and bringing donuts from the Donut Palace--fun times! Then we'll have our usual Wednesday night dinner and prayer with friends. Thursday morning I am headed to Nashville to meet a friend and check out the new Paper Source store and have lunch. And then Saturday is the baby shower for a sweet friend from church who's expecting her first baby in October.

A picture thought I am sharing...
two, actually: my little cowboy, and my little mess. It's important to remember adorable moments like these when real life is less than adorable, as it is this week with all the pooping and not pooping and not napping.

Multitude Monday, Take 217

2011-08-15T11:19:00.004-05:00

"I have learned that in every circumstance that comes my way, I can choose to respond in one of two ways: I can whine OR I can worship! And I can't worship without giving thanks. It just isn't possible." --Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Gratitude

"I know this seems painfully obvious, but when our children are fussing, the antidote for them is gratitude. But how are we showing them that when we start getting huffy and snippy? Are you modeling thankfulness by being thankful for your fussy children...?" --Rachel Jankovic, Loving the Little Years

Trying to curb the whining with worship this week as I thank God for...

2049. two-year-old friend's pink painted toenails
2050. chickens free-ranging, and all still living

2051. loved ones learning to trust God
2052. His mercy
2053. a last-minute zoo trip to celebrate Elijah's birthday

2054. homemade birthday cards from his little friends
2055. ice cream cones for everyone
2056. four years of being Elijah's mama
2057. a lunch date with him at IHOP
2058. pancakes and bacon! for lunch! that's crazy!

2059. homemade carrot cake with perfect, delectable cream-cheese icing
2060. Elijah helping me grind up the carrots and mix the cake
2061. friends helping us celebrate over tomato pie and cake + ice cream
2062. grace to see my son as the gift he is
2063. boys swinging together at the park

2064. my tiny camera, easy to have on hand and get out frequently
2065. new adorable photos of my nephew in the mail
2066. cooler temperatures
2067. Jude loving grilled salmon
2068. Steve's generous and humble heart

2069. the way our parents set us up for financial success so generously
2070. flaxseed hidden in oatmeal
2071. Elijah still wanting to sit in my lap after I've been a total jerk
2072. grace to whisper/breathe deep/answer calmly *some* of the time
2073. a new book about the gospel for only $0.99 on my Kindle

2074. photos finally sorted, edited, uploaded and shared
2075. pizza and playtime with Daddy at the park
2076. not making me a single parent
2077. newly organized bookshelves
2078. organic tomatoes for $1/lb

2079. peaches from a roadside stand
2080. opportunity to bless as we have been blessed
2081. a sweet girl at church taking Jude during the half hour snack/fellowship time
2082. Steve's willingness to be a guinea pig for new recipes
2083. an evening walk with my guys

2084. The Valley of Vision for when I don't have words to pray
2085. Monday mornings, fresh starts, mercies new

Multitude Monday, Take 216

2011-08-08T15:26:00.003-05:00

"As British pastor John Henry Jowett once said, 'Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.' True gratitude is not an incidental ingredient. Nor is it a stand-alone product, something that never actually intersects with life, safely denying reality out on its own little happy island somewhere. No, gratitude has a big job to do in us and in our hearts. And it is one of the chief ways that God infuses joy and resilience into the daily struggle of life." --Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Gratitude

Thanking God this week for...

2021. pretty summer flowers: marigolds, hydrangea, zinnias
2022. the digital photography age = thousands of photos of my kids and our life
2023. the fact that slavery was abolished long ago
2024. glasses I'm not embarrassed to wear in public
2025. being able to wear contact lenses 99% of the time

2026. Jude's first real, big bath with Elijah
2027. bathroom floor covered in water from all the splashing
2028. Elijah: "I don't wanna do hiccups, Mom! I can't do hiccups!"
2029. the way parenting forces me to go to the cross even when I don't want to
2030. reminders of Christ's servanthood and the call to serve

2031. new pens with perfect tips
2032. several wonderful hours of conversation with a friend
2033. her humble wisdom and pursuit of God
2034. freedom to speak candidly with her
2035. time away that left me feeling energized and motivated and refreshed

2036. opportunities to serve a family in need
2037. dishwasher
2038. garbage disposal
2039. the fact that Elijah didn't completely flip out and panic when he locked himself in our bedroom
2040. Steve's ability to come home early and get him out after my attempts failed

2041. piles of clean dishes
2042. ice cream on a hot afternoon
2043. boys mesmerized by video clips of themselves
2044. Elijah no longer just "helping" but actually helping
2045. Jude SO proud of himself pulling up to furniture

2046. a long, quiet evening reading an amazing book (Uncle Tom's Cabin)
2047. Steve and Elijah roughhousing and laughing
2048. making Him who knew no sin to be sin for me, so that in Him I could become righteous

Weekend Wanderings

2011-08-06T14:12:00.003-05:00

Some of the best things I read on the internet come from other bloggers' links--so I thought I would throw out some posts I've found helpful or interesting lately, for your weekend reading...

He Loves Me, He Really Loves Me - Tim Challies
"...when Dad gets together with his friends, these things are not at the front of his mind. He loves his children, he is proud of his children, and he wants to tell others about them. I thought about this a short time ago when I was considering how God feels about us, how He feels about me, and how He feels about all of His children."

When She Speaks - Chatting at the Sky
Wise words for a small-time blogger like me: "what if you don’t have 2,000 readers? Maybe you have 30 readers. Do you roll your eyes at those 30 readers? Do you think of your work as valuable even if only 30 people read it? Consider this: what if 30 women showed up in a room to hear you speak. Would you see it differently?"

If You Want Your Child to Love God, Don't Go By the Rules - Sally Clarkson
I love Sally Clarkson. She often has such wise, encouraging, gentle yet powerful words for mothers.

Titus 2 Is Not Just a Woman's To-Do List - The Resurgence
"The first few verses have been sliced, diced, and examined from every angle to comprehend what it is that a godly woman looks like. How should she act? What does she do? After years of honing in on the beginning of this chapter as my 'godly guide for women,' I actually took the time to finish reading the chapter and my eyes were opened to the fullness of truth that left me encouraged and equipped to actually live out the call of the opening verses."

Little Horses and Big Cliffs - Life with Littles
Have I mentioned this blog here yet? I know I've linked on Facebook. It's one of my new favorites--such rich, encouraging gospel truths for struggling and inadequate moms like me:
"Grace is scary like that. It makes you cringe and wish that you had a way out. It makes you doubt yourself because if you aren't going to 'do' something then who is? That is the beauty of it. There's nothing for us to add yet everything for us to gain."

Something Better

2011-08-05T14:21:00.002-05:00

On Monday I was supposed to take the boys to a friend's house for a playdate. I was SO looking forward to it, as this is a relatively new friend, and it seems we never can get enough time to talk. So you can imagine my dismay when I woke up early Monday morning with crusty, ouchy eyes. Pinkeye. AWESOME.

My first thought, in my grouchy six a.m. fog, was to be angry. I felt disappointed and resentful. I think it would be slightly melodramatic to be all "Why, God?" on the level of a response to a cancer diagnosis...but I'm not gonna lie, I was exhibiting a milder (and perhaps uglier) "Seriously, Lord? Seriously?"

My next thought was hopeful: Maybe God is making this fall through because He has something better in mind. I don't have my regular Tuesday night prayer with friends tomorrow, so maybe my friend and I can meet for coffee tomorrow night instead (we'd done that on a Tuesday night once before). That would be way better than a playdate today anyway, because we'd get a couple of hours for *uninterrupted* conversation, rather than trying to talk and also parent five small children!

I called my friend, and she agreed that she didn't really want me and my pinkeye at her house. And, as it turned out, we were in fact able to get together on Tuesday night instead. Toward the end of our time together, after about three wonderful hours of really great heart-level conversation on various topics, I was sharing all the above. My main question was, "Why am I so quick to assume the worst of God? Why am I so quick to assign negative intent, to jump to the conclusion that He is stingy, that He doesn't want to give me good gifts, etc.?"

But my friend nailed me with a more fundamental issue. As I replayed the scene of Monday morning, expressing my thought, "Maybe God has something better in store," she interrupted me: "He did."

No "maybe" about it. "He did, definitely, have something better in mind." For a split second, I assumed she was referring to the time we'd just shared that had proven the fact, thinking as I was: "He *did* have something better in store, because here we sit and tonight has been such a blessing!" But she pressed: "He definitely did have something better in mind--EVEN IF this hadn't worked out. What He brings is always best."

My reaction in the moment of being denied something I wanted revealed my heart. Sadly, it exposed unbelief and idolatry there: "God doesn't really love me, isn't really good, doesn't really want to give me good things." The original lie.

Worse, my idolatrous heart thought that the answer to that lie was God's providing what I wanted. He was vindicated in my mind when He gave me something that clearly, from my perspective, was better--a coffee date instead of a playdate. He is kind and gentle to do this sometimes in spite of me--but my friend's admonition was needed. His love and His goodness, the gospel truths that He is for me and gives me all things pertaining to life and godliness, mean that what He gives is best. However it looks to my limited perspective, these circumstances are best. If my plans fall through, it is always, always because He has something better in mind.

Funny thing, in the middle of writing this post I got distracted and popped over to look at Twitter. Scotty Smith's most recent tweet pretty well sums it up:

Related ("Other Times I Have Preached This Same Truth to Myself"):

Despising the Pleasant Land

My Portion

Hemmed In

Calling it Beautiful

Multitude Monday, Take 215

2011-08-01T14:34:00.003-05:00

"...gratitude truly is my life preserver. Even in the most turbulent waters, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions. It buoys me on the grace of God and keeps me from drowning in what otherwise would be my natural bent toward doubt, negativity, discouragement, and anxiety. Over time, choosing gratitude means choosing joy. But that choice doesn't come without effort and intentionality."

--Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Gratitude

Thanking God this week for...

1993. new salmon recipes

1994. lemonade

1995. unprompted kisses and hugs

1996. a foam sword at Target's Dollar Spot

1997. friends' coming over to play in the kiddy pool with us

1998. "Two Elijahs in the pool!"

1999. splashing and laughter

2000. Elijah's interest in sitting through a chapter book--our first!

2001. a phone conversation with my oldest friend

2002. a walk around the block, in spite of the heat

2003. a friend's humility in expressing her fear and need

2004. the opportunity to go help her

2005. friends' patient and gentle care for my boys

2006. a peach milkshake from Chick-Fil-A

2007. date night in

2008. new cloth diapers in the mail

2009. Elijah's asking to make bread with me

2010. friends who help me see things from a different perspective

2011. adopting me as His child

2012. the riches of His glorious inheritance

2013. fresh, local, wholesome produce from the farmers' market

2014. Steve's spending Saturday fixing various things

2015. lime lip balm finally found after months missing

2016. friends' anniversary, and God's preservation of their marriage through tough times

2017. friends here for dinner

2018. first bruschetta chicken of the summer

2019. kids giggling and loud

2020. the glorious truths of Romans, especially chapters 5 and 8

Multitude Monday, Take 214

2011-07-25T09:59:00.002-05:00

Thanking God this week for...

1953. early morning quiet time
1954. positive interactions between Elijah and Jude
1955. date night in with Steve
1956. bags of clothes dropped off at Goodwill
1957. friends' kindness to my boys

1958. Jude's mobility and curiosity
1959. diapers resold
1960. bruschetta pizza
1961. freedom to share my struggles with friends
1962. their prayers

1963. fresh inspiration to fight for joy and obedience
1964. Elijah answering loudly at library storytime: "I have muscles!"
1965. the beautiful, surprising, stirring ending to The Monster in the Hollows
1966. anticipation of one more book in the Wingfeather Saga
1967. a free journal from Paper Coterie

1968. Elijah's increasing ability to catch and throw a ball
1969. Elijah helping Steve make salads
1970. orange flowers lasting more than a week
1971. Jude babbling "dadadadada"
1972. being slow to anger and endlessly patient with me

1973. not treating me as my sins deserve
1974. not telling me the future
1975. encouragement from others
1976. opportunities to encourage others
1977. a sparkly clean wedding ring

1978. ladies' night out
1979. Steve's willingness to watch the boys
1980. laughter
1981. making friends with vendors at the farmers' market
1982. gorgeous 'maters

1983. first tomato pie of the year!
1984. a husband who comforts and doesn't condemn
1985. long naps
1986. Elijah running happily to Sunday school
1987. lunchtime conversations with our pastor

1988. games of Uno Moo
1989. Steve's sense of humor
1990. Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl
1991. safe arrival of a friend's baby
1992. crepe myrtles in bloom everywhere

Friday Thoughts on Prayer

2011-07-22T13:37:00.003-05:00

My friend Zoanna's son Stephen has a great post up on prayer, in which he writes thoughtfully about prayers and also makes me laugh. What if people talked to each other like we talk to God?

“Steve, would you come here, Steve. I just want to talk to you, Steve, and thank you for who you are, Steve.” Somewhere along the line I might consider punching that person...

Check out Praying Platitudes, and for more weekend reading on prayer...

Incline, Open, Unite, Satisfy

Eloquence or Desperation

Your Prayers Are Too Small

Praying Beyond Organ Rehearsal

...and a handful of links to helpful prayer prompts

Book Review: The Happiest Mom

2011-07-21T14:42:00.001-05:00

Meagan Francis has been blogging at The Happiest Mom since 2009, but I only discovered her a few months ago. I'm not quick to add to my already-overflowing feed reader, but the first post I read intrigued me enough to keep poking around. A quick trip through her “Favorite Posts” had me hitting not only “subscribe” but “print.”

Her writing is honest, relatable, funny, give-it-to-you straight. And the blog fills a needed niche: it's not the “motherhood is so hard, let's all commiserate together” mommy blog, and not the “motherhood is the greatest delight of my life, let's go do a 47-step craft with our angelic, gifted children in our meticulously organized house” mommy blog. Instead it's this delightfully challenging yet empowering middle ground: a mommy blog that says, “yes, it's hard sometimes, but you have choices about how you feel and what you do, so do what it takes to be a happy mom!”

So when I saw that Meagan Francis had a book coming out, I wanted to read it. Obviously, I was hoping for a book-length version of her blog.

Instead, I got a book-length version of Parenting magazine.

I don't like Parenting magazine.

First the positives. The book is gorgeous. Colorful, well-designed—just really nice to look at. When I requested a copy, I suggested that I'd be happy with an e-version for my Kindle, but the author said I'd want a print copy because of how beautiful it is, and she was right. If you have any kind of appreciation for print design, you'll be impressed with The Happiest Mom: 10 Secrets to Enjoying Motherhood. And there were a couple of places I marked that Francis offered some helpful insights, like “questions to ask yourself to regain perspective,” that sort of thing.

But I'm afraid it speaks volumes when the first and most positive thing I want to say about a book refers to its design. I don't read books for design; I read them for content. And the content here is disappointing. The book is stuffed full of trendy pop-culture references that make it feel dated, rather than full of timeless wisdom. It reads like a collection of magazine articles—complete with obnoxious quizzes (“Are you 'Tidy Tracy' or 'Hot Mess Heather'?” I mean, seriously?) and largely pointless sidebar quotes from “real-life moms!” It's trying too hard to be your best pal, all hip and funny and full of common sense advice. In other words, it seems like something Parenting dreamed up and contracted Francis to write in a magazine-article-writer voice. Which she's really good at...but it just isn't what I was expecting or hoping for. Frankly, all I could think as I read was, “Meagan Francis is better than this.”

So...yeah. I really, really hate to give a negative review of a book when the author so graciously sent me a complimentary copy. But there you have it.

Of course, to go a little deeper, I think part of the problem is that a book like this isn't going to be ultimately satisfying because the realest secrets to happiness aren't going to be found in ten steps for organizing life and taking care of myself. If I am seeking fulfillment and happiness in motherhood, in "finding my tribe" (tip #5), in "having a plan" (#8) or in my marriage (#10), I'm going to come up short every time. These are great things: marriage and motherhood are beautiful gifts from the Lord; planning and seeking like-minded friends are wise and helpful advice. But friends and a plan cannot solve all my problems, and a husband and children cannot satisfy my soul.

I don't know what Meagan Francis believes about God and the big questions of life. But with the first awesome blog posts I read at The Happiest Mom, although they did not refer to spiritual matters at all, I could easily apply a gospel perspective as I read, and they took on even deeper meaning. The book version, however, has some advice that is completely contradictory to the gospel (most obviously chapter 9, “Look Out for Number One,” in which readers are told, “Being selfish is a very, very good thing”). In other words, this is definitely not the place to go for advice on how to be the happiest mom in a biblical sense. (To be clear: I do think it's completely fine, even important, to continue pursuing your pre-mom interests and hang on to some of the things that make you “you”--but I wouldn't take that to the conclusion of “it's necessary to put yourself first; you are number one.” At the very least, I wouldn't word it that way.)

All that to say: If you want to read winsome, funny, practical advice about enjoying motherhood, save your money and subscribe to TheHappiestMom.com. And if you want a more ultimate-truth kind of answer to finding joy in motherhood and life, meditate on Psalm 16 and immerse yourself in the gospel. You might also check out Rachel Jankovic's recent writing on motherhood, especially Motherhood is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank) and Motherhood as a Mission Field.

Multitude Monday, Take 213

2011-07-18T13:33:00.000-05:00

Thanking God this week for...

1924. our chest freezer

1925. Elijah's ability to talk

1926. clean kitchen floor

1927. a dear friend and her kids here for a visit

1928. our week to submit prayer requests as the church family of the week

1929. space in our home to host overnight guests

1930. babywearing

1931. the book Jude ripped was one of ours, not borrowed

1932. animals (including a kangaroo!) at the library

1933. captivating novels and time to read them

1934. the safe arrival of a dear friend's baby girl

1935. Steve and Elijah grinding rhubarb and strawberries for jam

1936. a kid-sized shopping cart at Trader Joe's

1937. free samples at Whole Foods

1938. Elijah dancing for Jude and singing made-up songs

1939. Jude's love for Elijah

1940. OxiClean

1941. happy little bouquet of orange flowers

1942. Jude crying "Mamamamamama!" in the middle of the night

1943. Steve's generosity

1944. new salad dressing flavors

1945. goodies from the farmers' market: peaches, tomatoes, zucchini, green beans, eggs, herbs, sweet corn

1946. headbands

1947. foaming soap dispensers

1948. BLTs

1949. being back at our church after two Sundays away

1950. big boys playing with Elijah

1951. a restful, relaxing Sunday afternoon/evening with my guys

1952. the Story He is writing and the fact that it isn't about me

The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 7.13.11

2011-07-13T16:01:00.001-05:00

A little Simple Woman's Daybook on a quiet afternoon...

Outside my window...
hot, hot, hot. We had a week of beautiful weather in Ohio and came home to a heat advisory. Our poor air conditioner is running 24/7 and still can't keep up. Also a blow-up kiddy pool--which Elijah bit holes into the very first time he used it last night. Seriously?

I am thinking...
that you just can't kiss a fat, happy, squishy baby enough :)

I am thankful for...
my beautiful friend Sandra, who drove five hours yesterday with her two kiddos to spend a couple of days with me! We have known each other since the seventh grade, and while we didn't grow up together exactly (we lived in neighboring towns and went to different schools), our paths crossed at various times: Junior Choral Society was the first, then Chrysalis and church camp and then we ended up at college together. It is so wonderful to catch up with her this week after not having seen her in almost two years--during which time she and her husband adopted two children!

From the kitchen...
lots of vegetables after a week of vacation eating :) Probably going to make some chicken, corn and tomato pitas this week...another round of zucchini pizza...and then I'm hoping to get some fresh tomatoes at the farmers' market on Saturday and go nuts. Tomato pie, perhaps?

I am wearing...
khaki bermuda shorts, a brown tank top and an aqua tank top, and brown flip flops.

I am creating...
a new writing project dealing with prayer and parenting. I'm really excited about it.

I am going...
to try to mop my kitchen more often. Having done it last night, it feels so good to have a clean floor after it was so nasty. Mopping, at least with my steam mop, is one of those dumb chores like ironing, where I put it off and put it off and then once I finally get around to it, I wonder, Why did I wait so long to do this? It doesn't take that long, it's not that hard or unpleasant, and it's so nice to not have it hanging over my head anymore!

I am reading...
several books simultaneously, as usual. I'm rereading books one and two of Andrew Peterson's Wingfeather Saga because the third book came out recently. I've also been enjoying new(ish) books by favorite authors: Elyse Fitzpatrick's Give Them Grace and Tim Keller's King's Cross. Always, always, too many books and too little time...

Bible-wise, I am digging into Proverbs and working through 1 Chronicles, still trying to grow in "how to read the Bible Christianly."

I am hoping...
to sort, edit and upload a slew of photos and videos soon--I took a TON of pictures last week, plus we had Steve's cousin take family photos for us. I so love pictures. Also hoping to do a vacation recap with some of those pics here on the blog.

I am hearing...
Jude bouncing and squealing and giggling in his doorway jumper. Best $5 I spent this summer--he LOVES that thing.

Around the house...
Steve just walked in the door, home from work early! That's a fun surprise.

One of my favorite things...
frappuccinos. I just discovered that a mocha frappe from McDonald's is actually really good and way cheaper than Starbucks. Also way more accessible...thus way more dangerous.

A few plans for the rest of the week...
Sandra and her kids are here until tomorrow, so I anticipate another late night talking after the kids all go to bed. After that I am looking forward to a quiet weekend with my guys--nowhere to go except church, no schedule or rushing around, just resting and spending time together and getting things done around the house. Ahh.

A picture thought I am sharing...
the boys had tons of fun splashing in Grandma and Grandpa's backyard last week:

Multitude Monday, Take 212

2011-07-11T14:09:00.003-05:00

"Christ's sacrifice is so powerful that even hints and glimmers of it will knock people off their feet. ...in the light of such sacrifice, all else becomes 'Thank you.'" (Lisa Velthouse, Craving Grace)

Thanking God this week for the cross and the millions of smaller gifts it purchased for me, including...

1892. vacation in Ohio last week

1893. safe travels there and back

1894. home sweet home

1895. 230+ photos to sort through

1896. our own bed

1897. Christ's sacrifice

1898. Steve's death to self giving me tangible glimpses of it

1899. new clothes for Steve

1900. parents and grandparents babysitting

1901. friends making time to see me

1902. His grace covering my parenting inadequacies

1903. His power made perfect in my weakness

1904. air conditioning in dangerous heat

1905. roller coasters

1906. vegetables

1907. wind blowing through my hair

1908. a brush to get the tangles out

1909. Amish buggies

1910. county roads laid out in a grid

1911. sunsets

1912. ice packs

1913. pursuing me even when I am lazy and apathetic

1914. time and space to play outside

1915. porch swings

1916. the color green

1917. our new car

1918. the way Jude gleefully smacks a table when sitting at it

1919. a wiggly, healthy, loud baby

1920. cruise control

1921. showers after a hot, sticky day

1922. time in His Word

1923. others' examples of servanthood and humility

Incline, Open, Unite, Satisfy

2011-07-08T21:17:00.000-05:00

I need to be aware of my poverty in spirit more than I need to be eloquent when it comes to talking with God. Yes.

At the same time, I'm still in favor of thoughtful prayers. It's good to pray specific, meaningful things for the people we love. And why settle for "bless and be with so-and-so" when God's Word is a gold mine of prayer prompts?

I first discovered the practice of praying Scripture when I was in college, and I've loved it over the years. There are so many benefits to reading through the Bible and changing the pronouns to turn psalms and gospels and epistles and promises into personal or intercessory prayer! Besides the fact that the prayers are richer, I've found two other significant benefits: First, it increases my general familiarity with the Word. Certain passages get prayed over and over again, they become favorites, they become part of the everyday language of my prayers, part of my thinking.

Second, I love the confidence that I am praying in line with God's will. First John 5:14-15 tells us that "if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him." So often when we pray, we couch it in terms of, "if it's Your will." We don't really know if it's God's will to heal this person's sickness, to grant that person a specific job, to bring these two people together in marriage. But there is so much we *can* know and pray with confidence, if we simply pray His revealed will--His Word!

One basic Scripture prayer I have used countless times over the years is an acronym I learned from John Piper's book When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy. He describes an IOUS prayer: Incline, Open, Unite, Satisfy. This prayer captures several beautiful things; I can pray it for my beloved husband, whom I know intimately, and I can pray it for the church member whom I don't know well at all. I can pray it for my boys, who don't yet walk with Jesus, and I can pray it for my pastor, who has been serving Him for years. Four verses from Psalms:

INCLINE: Psalm 119:36

"Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!"

I often modify this one to "increase," to fit my natural vocabulary, praying that God would increase the person's hunger for His Word.

OPEN: Psalm 119:18

"Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law."

I ask God to enable the person to see beauty in His Word, as well as enable them to see all of life from His perspective.

UNITE: Psalm 86:11

"Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name."

I pray for the person to have an undivided heart, to fear God alone and not worship idols.

SATISFY: Psalm 90:14

"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."

Finally, I ask that the person would be satisfied with God's unfailing love--that they would know His love deeply, know the gospel, and not look anywhere else for satisfaction.

Incline, Open, Unite, Satisfy. Such a simple little acronym, but so full of rich truth. I also found a blog post at Desiring God that unpacks it and meditates on these verses a bit more.

If you've never prayed Scripture before, try starting here and see how it adds a new dimension to your prayer life! And if this is already a regular practice for you, I'd love to hear how you've found it helpful or what other passages you especially love to pray for yourself or for those you love.

Multitude Monday, Take 211

2011-07-04T09:56:00.001-05:00

"Today you will spend solitary moments of conversation with yourself either listing your complaints or counting your blessings. You can gaze over the fence and covet another person's life or tell yourself that God has blessed you in ways you never could've earned. You can tell yourself that God's not fair or thank him that he's not fair because fair would mean your and my doom." (Paul Tripp, Twitter)

Still counting, counting, counting...God's blessings this week have included...

1858. my logical, rational, clear-thinking and wise husband
1859. six beautiful years of marriage to him
1860. grace for kiddos and for mamas
1861. bamboo cutting board
1862. a glass of sangria and good conversation with Steve after the boys' bedtime

1863. play days with friends
1864. friends who lend books
1865. Google
1866. more money than I realized left over on a Papa John's gift card
1867. Elijah gleefully helping with the laundry

1868. grace to engage him even when it takes longer
1869. awesome new blog discoveries
1870. grace to help Elijah make up new words to his repetitive original songs instead of just getting irritated
1871. long naps
1872. the ability to help people in need

1873. dinner and fellowship with friends on Wednesdays
1874. bags and boxes out of my house and dropped off at Goodwill and the pregnancy center
1875. so much "stuff" that I have to give it away
1876. first zucchini coins of the summer
1877. the ability to do math

1878. quick-keys
1879. a husband who values my opinions and insights
1880. C.S. Lewis's brilliant storytelling
1881. audiobooks
1882. Aslan

1883. healing the world we wrecked
1884. His call that enables us to follow, creates what He commands
1885. British accents
1886. rosebushes
1887. cardboard brick towers

1888. freedom of religion
1889. freedom of speech
1890. economic freedom
1891. freedom in Christ

Six Years

2011-07-02T07:28:00.000-05:00

On a gorgeous, sunny Saturday six years ago--a day much like today--I said "I do" to the man of my dreams.

He was the boy I tattled on in second grade when he made fun of one of my friends...

...the junior high kid I had a crush on for a while (here, dressed as Prince Charming for a choir program)...

...before I briefly "dated" his best friend instead...

...the high school senior who starred opposite me in Annie Get Your Gun (at which point it required no acting skills on my part to fall in love with him onstage)...

...the guy who was giving me bunny ears at our best friend's wedding (yep, same friend from above) when I was secretly wishing he would pursue me...

...the man who made me the happiest girl on the planet when he gave me a ring in Rocky Mountain National Park and asked me to be his forever.

Six years ago, I walked down a long aisle and we made impossible vows and kissed and were pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Kannel.

We walked back down that aisle hand in hand, and for the last six years I have been praising God that this man is still by my side.

Our life together hasn't been all rainbows and sunshine since then. I've learned that marriage is a mirror, and I've often disliked what I see. I've been disappointed and I have disappointed. But Steve has lived generous, uncomplaining servanthood. He has led quietly, by example. He has listened patiently and loved unconditionally. More times than I can count, he has been Jesus with skin on to me.

Lately I've been reflecting on his ability to lift my spirits just by being present. There are so many days when I'm discouraged and upset, feeling the need to share my heart with him. But often, however miserable I was feeling earlier in the day, the atmosphere changes after he walks in the door. My mood shifts. Things are more right.

Don't get me wrong, I can be plenty upset when he's around--and he's been on the receiving end of that attitude more often than I care to describe. Yet however unlovable I am, I am continually astounded (and quieted, and loved well) by the way he is so calm, so unflappable, so steady and unflinching in the face of my moodiness and sulking.

He isn't a perfect man. But he is the perfect man for me. He is Exhibit A, after the cross, when I am looking for evidence of God's kindness, generosity, and gracious care for me. His strengths complement mine so beautifully, it had to be designed that way.

Happy anniversary, Steve. Here's to six plus sixty more.

Multitude Monday, Take 210

2011-06-27T13:35:00.003-05:00

Thanking God this week for...

1818. a local farm where we could pick blackberries

1819. finding u-pick blueberries across the road unexpectedly

1820. the super nice man who helped us get started and even gave me...

1821. a padded bucket to sit on while I picked!

1822. Elijah counting out ten berries to put in the basket before eating another one

1823. multitasking: nursing Jude while picking blueberries :)

1824. three quarts of fresh, delicious blueberries

1825. no sunburn for any of us after two hours outside

1826. forgiveness for Elijah and for me

1827. being kind, slow to anger, and patient with us

1828. carseats to protect my boys

1829. rare instances of Jude sitting calm, quiet and still in my lap

1830. lunch of fresh fruits and vegetables

1831. first zucchini pizza of the season

1832. tools to study His Word

1833. parrots at the library

1834. boys in red stripes

1835. new, unscratched sunglasses

1836. cooking disasters that humble me

1837. a husband who helps in the kitchen and eats the failures without complaint or criticism

1838. theology discussions

1839. early bedtimes

1840. mercies new every morning

1841. hugs and fresh starts

1842. new stroller from craigslist

1843. ATMs

1844. a cowboy-themed birthday party

1845. opportunity to serve a friend by running an errand for her

1846. absolutely perfect, gorgeous weather

1847. a friend babysitting while I went to an appointment

1848. Qdoba at Centennial Park with friends

1849. catnaps

1850. Steve's willingness to get his hands dirty: butchering chickens, fixing the car

1851. a huge picnic hosted by old friends, the opportunity to see other old friends

1852. Jude playing with other babies

1853. boys imitating and laughing at each other in the backseat

1854. dinner with friends

1855. long, deep, heart-level conversations

1856. His mercy and grace for me as a wife

1857. His protection of my heart

Multitude Monday, Take 209

2011-06-20T13:01:00.002-05:00

Thanking God this week for...

1771. line dried sheets and a freshly made bed
1772. cooler temperatures outside
1773. Sarah's recipe for Green Beans Caesar
1774. a friend here for dinner and great conversation
1775. his encouragement and challenges to Steve and me

1776. Jude's love for his new doorway jumper
1777. the hilarity that ensued when he fell asleep in it
1778. prayer with friends
1779. time to journal first thing in the morning
1780. Schleich animals

1781. a friend hosting Tuesday playdates again this summer
1782. her eight-year-old son being so kind to Elijah
1783. getting home from the library just before a storm rolled in
1784. Wednesday dinner with our friends: salmon croquettes and key lime pie!
1785. shared recipes

1786. Steve's gospel insights
1787. His patience with me
1788. Elijah's ability to talk
1789. the opportunity to lend cloth diapers to a friend, after all she's let me borrow
1790. Elijah's delight in playing with her boys

1791. fenced-in yards and blow-up pools
1792. swim shirts and bucket hats
1793. learning how to make soap
1794. Elijah's surviving a napless day with minimal emotional fragility :)
1795. massage therapy at the chiropractor

1796. friends with whom I never run out of conversation, only time
1797. friends who intercede for me when I ask
1798. donuts from the Donut Palace
1799. long, simultaneous naps
1800. freesia-scented lotion

1801. a new purple shirt with a ruffly neckline
1802. a friend's generosity and servanthood in babysitting for my boys
1803. a date with my handsome husband for the first time in months!
1804. his opening doors for me (only possible when our arms aren't full of kiddos and gear)
1805. walking hand in hand from the car to the restaurant

1806. outdoor seating on a beautiful night
1807. Mafiaoza's clever menu and excellent pizzas
1808. good conversations
1809. ice cream cones
1810. catching up with my sweet friend after we got home

1811. being the Master Storyteller
1812. a kick-start to clean our bedroom and closet
1813. old photos of me and my dad
1814. a quick, last-minute visit from my parents on their way home from vacation
1815. adorable new clothes Mom bought for the boys at the outlets

1816. a day of rest
1817. watching over my life without ever resting

Handmade Baby

2011-06-17T14:03:00.000-05:00

With a second baby, you don't need much. You already have all the gear, and if you're having the same gender (or if all of your newborn stuff is gender-neutral, as ours is), you don't even need clothes. So we were pretty much set in preparation for Jude's birth, but I had two main items on my wishlist. First, I wanted to try a different carrier. And second, I needed a new diaper bag. I ended up with some beautiful handmade items that I have been meaning to share here for several months!

As far as baby carriers go, you've probably heard me rave about the Ergo. We had one with Elijah and absolutely loved it. Steve loved it, I loved it...it was our number one must-have baby item. Seriously indispensable. I tried a pouch sling and a Moby wrap, but we preferred the Ergo by far. But this time around, I was still curious. I know so many people who love ring slings, especially for newborns. So I ordered one from an online friend:

It is simple, beautiful, well-made. You can order them via this Facebook page. She also made a pouch sling for Elijah, so he could carry his stuffed animals just like Mama carries Baby Jude:

Meanwhile, I found out that one of my dearest friends from high school has a pattern for ring slings, and she offered to make me one! So I found some fabric I liked and sent it to her--and less than a week later, despite having a newborn herself as well as two other kids under the age of four, she mailed me this:

Yeah, just call her Supermom. Love it!

But as fast as Jude grew, ring slings quickly became impractical. I know women who swear by them, even carry toddlers in them--but I just could not get it to work for me long-term. I wanted to keep wearing them, but my neck/shoulders/back felt otherwise. It seems I am just a soft-structured carrier kind of gal. Which is what the Ergo is, but I had another carrier to try out here as well. Much as I loved my Ergo, I'd also heard great things about other similar carriers, so I had gotten rid of my Ergo and bought a Kangapack.

Custom-made by a girl I know online and sold on Etsy, the Kangapack is very similar to an Ergo, but with a few key differences. Most notably, it's a lot less bulky. The waistband and shoulder straps are narrower, the carrier part is narrower and all the fabric is thinner/softer than the canvas Ergo. Still padded, just a lot more streamlined. Then, it's just a lot cuter :) You can even pick your own fabric (I found this aqua/green/brown stripe at JoAnn). FYI - I definitely wear Jude on my back now, for the most part; this photo was taken several months ago.

The carrier itself is basic, and then there are optional add-ons--I paid extra for a sleeping hood (essential, in my opinion) and a zippered pocket (super helpful when I don't want to carry a diaper bag--I can stuff keys, money and phone in my pockets and a couple of diapers/wipes in the carrier pocket). I still love the Ergo--there are pros and cons to both--but I especially love that this one packs up a lot smaller and goes on/fits my shoulders better. And, I know function is more important than style, but I like the looks of it a whole lot more :) Unfortunately the seamstress is a busy mama of four littles who isn't making them at the moment--I'm glad I got mine before she stopped!

My other needed item was a new diaper bag. I loved the messenger bag I had for Elijah, except that it was way too small, and the snap had broken. So I was on the lookout for a new and improved bag--and since I'm picky about bags, I asked my sister-in-law to make one for me. And did Michelle ever rise to the challenge!

I fell in love with Danielle's Amy Butler bag way before I got pregnant--I loved the style and the fabric and thought it would make a great diaper bag. (Danielle's photo is way more beautiful--I had nowhere to hang my bag to display it well!) Then I found out that the pattern actually *was* for a diaper bag. Michelle got the pattern and went with me to JoAnn to pick fabric, and then we made a bunch of modifications. The original bag seemed really wide and awfully shallow, so I had her make it narrower and deeper.

She lined it with six pockets and a cell phone pocket on the strap, a feature of the original bag (BRILLIANT)...and then she did all kinds of other custom features: a loop on which to clip my keys, a small pocket-within-a-pocket so my lip balm doesn't get lost at the bottom of a pocket, and a button closure.

Then she made me a pouch for diapers and wipes...and to top it all off, my mother-in-law surprised me by making a quilted changing pad out of the scraps! It is SO cute.

I totally love this bag. Yay for talented family and friends!